More than mom

Have you ever thought that to be a good mom you had to focus all of your energies on your kids? Maybe you've learned this one already and you know better. There was a time that I tried to do that. And do you know what? I wasn't a very good mom. Ironic isn't it? The time when I tried to give every part of me to mothering was the time I sucked at it the most. I've learned some important lessons between last Mother's Day and this one. And they seem backwards to my natural way of thought. Mothering is so much a part of who I am. God created me that way. It's not just something I have chosen, it is something that is entwined into my very being. I am a nurturer. I am a care taker. I love it. But I am also a unique individual. Although my mothering spills into so many different parts of my life, there are parts of me that are not mommy. I love writing. I love creating. I love music. I love talking to other adults some times. :) I love exploring other parts of who God created me to be. And I am learning that although he did indeed create me to be a mommy, he also created me for some other, and very important, purposes. For me to focus all of me on any one thing would be settling for less than I was meant to be. My priorities in life are pretty clear cut. The very top looks like this: God, Dave, my kids, and other ministries God has me serving in. In that order. I must not rearrange those priorities. I can't spread myself too thin. If another area in my life is infringing upon my top ones, especially the top three, I know something needs to change. That being said, I am learning that I am a better mom when mom is not all that I am. This past weekend the boys got alot of daddy. And they loved it. And they thrived under his leadership. In the past three days I went shopping, I baked, I practiced some music at church, I painted at a homeless shelter, I attended a meeting at church, I cuddled and kissed my babies and read them books, I took them for a walk, I taught three parenting classes at The Center for Women, I did some filing and paper work there, I started working on colors and patterns for some room decorating elements at the homeless shelter. And my moments with those three precious little boys were so much sweeter. And I felt full and alive. I felt like Wendi. Believe me; I have had weekends that have looked very, very different than that. It is not my norm at all. Other mothers may have the opposite problem. They may be too busy away from home, too focused on other things, too involved in work. For me, I could see red flags popping up in the "too wrapped up in your kids needing you - must detach a bit" category. Right now it is my job to be raising these guys to be responsible. To eventually be independent. *Shudder* To raise them to some day not need me. They won't always be here. And frankly that thought sets in a little bit of panic. Do you see where the problem is here? Yeah. So what is it that I have learned in the past year? That I don't have to try to do it all, as it pertains to mothering. I don't have to try to take care of every need of every kid even when Dave is here. Daddy time and grandma time is precious to the kids and to daddy and grandma. The kids need more than just me. I need more than just the kids. Guilt is one of my worst enemies. Dave isn't going to resent me for asking him for help. He is, after all, the dad. :) I know it is a balancing act and there can be a fine line between home too much and gone too much. I don't want to convey an advocating of being away form your home and family as much as possible. Not at all! I know that being a stay at home mom is such a high privilege and calling! I am just sharing part of my personal growth process. Because I could so easily lose myself in being a mom. It would be all too easy for me to become one dimensional. Not to venture beyond that title. Yes, they mean the world to me. No, they are not, and will not be all that is in my world. I will be a better mom for it, and they will be happier, more well rounded kids for it. Plus I won't yell as much.