Sunday, May 10, 2009

 The life changing title of mother

Friday afternoon I had a bunch of errands to run. My mind was racing with all I needed to get done. When my mind goes a hundred miles a minute like that I need some thing, or some one, to slow me down. To point out that all will be fine. That I need to just relax and enjoy each moment. I was making a quick stop at my chiropractor's office when one of my children slowed me down. I was laying flat on my back, about to get adjusted. I slowed myself down for one of the first times that day. And I felt it. Life. The newest life to join our family, making their presence known to me. I am 15 weeks pregnant and right on time, just as in all of my other pregnancies; I felt the baby move for the first time. Everything emptied my rushing mind except sweet thoughts of this new little person and the amazing process of life in its earliest stages. And it was just what I needed. The rest of the day was much more unhurried and every thing just seemed a little bit more peaceful. All because of one little person reminding me of the important things in life. It is one of the special gifts in my life from all of my children. Even the one whom I will never see again here on earth. This morning at church I had alot on my mind (hmm...seems to be a pattern). I tried to focus on the reason I was there and to open my heart to what God would teach me. Instead I was thinking of the crazy busy pace we will have to keep up with this week as we meet all of the extra demands, appointments, and meetings that happened to fall into this upcoming set of 7 days. I thought of the people I needed to find at church and all of the busyness I needed to take care of. There were gentle promptings to let it all go, to trust it would all fall into place. To be still. Oh how my heart begs me to be still, and all too often I push that away in favor of a busy pace I was never meant to keep. And then a member of our worship team at church began to pray. Her simple words embedded themselves into my heart as she prayed for women who long to be mothers on this special day as well as women who have faced the heart ache of losing babies. I hadn't thought of him yet today until that moment. My morning had been a flurry of pop tarts, milk, church clothes, finding shoes, kissing skinned knees, taming hair, and getting out the door on time. But in that quiet moment, sitting in the midst of my church family everything faded to the back ground except my memories of him and the comfort of my Heavenly Father. There was a big lump in my throat, but it wasn't really the bad kind at all. It was more of a welcomed surrender. A surrender to his memory, a surrender to the quiet, a surrender to be the mom who will forever love the child she can not reach for in a tangible way. He slowed me down. He melted my heart. He showed me what was really important. And that was all just in a span of about 15 minutes this morning. Today I am just in awe that I was chosen to be the mother to J.D., K, Jay, Noe, and their yet unknown sibling. Because they all slow me down. I match my pace to theirs. I have to stop to repeat myself. Over and over. I have to stop to kiss boo boos and soft heads. They melt my heart. They cuddle with me. They come up with some of the most hilarious and sweet things I have ever heard in my life. They surprise me with a perceptive inelegance. They show me what is really important in life. They remind me that in 100 years it most certainly will not matter that my floors remain unvacuumed today. That they won't always be here. That life unfolding is one of the most amazing things I have ever had the privilege of being a part of. So, to all of my babies, who are growing up so quickly; thank you for all that you are to me. You made me a mother, but more importantly you have altered my perspectives, multiplied the love in my heart, and changed my life. And to my mother and mother in law - I appreciate the two of you so much and count it among some of my greatest blessings to have you both in my life! Happy Mother's Day!
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6 comments:

"Rachel" said...

Happy Mother's Day, Wendi! :)

Mel said...

Wendi Happy Mom's day and I so needed to read your post today as I am walking through one of the valleys of parenthood right now with my kids...so thank you

Stacey said...

Happy Mother's Day to an awesome Mommy!!!

Rachel @ Unexpected Blessings said...

We sang Because He Lives yesterday and I thought of your JD. I can't sing that second verse without thinking about him. I am so thankful for his short life.

I am very thankful for his mommy too. It was great to see you Friday if only for a few minutes. So glad we occasionally get to see each other in "real life." Can't wait to meet your new little one.

Cottage Mommy said...

You made me tear up! What a sweet post...hope you had a wonderful Mother's day!

Heather of the EO said...

Wow, lady. Happy Mother's Day!!!

Beautiful post, as always.