Thursday, April 2, 2009
Boys will be boys...
Learning that boys will be boys.
And the humbling process of asking those boys for their forgiveness...
Yesterday I had a pile of paperwork to get through - so much to do.
They seemed to be playing nicely.
Then went up to their room.
Only a few more minutes, and the "important" stuff would be done.
Then there was the inevitable crying - thumping - fussing.
I was not happy.
I had so much to do.
Why can't I ever get one project done
from beginning to end?
Why can't I turn my back for a few minutes (okay, maybe longer)?
Why must they destroy everything?
Because boys will be boys.
And mom's of boys must have a special kind of patience.
And sometimes that takes alot of practice.
And failing.
And starting over.
I go upstairs to find their curtains pulled down.
Rod, hooks, nails, and all...
Not, not happy.
They are sword fighting with the rods.
Noe is crying.
There is an unidentified piece of wood on the floor - pulled off from something.
Still not sure what.
They are boys.
They will always be boys.
Patience, patience.
Yesterday I was not patient.
Yesterday I got angry.
And I yelled.
And I stomped.
Real, real mature.
A great example - exactly how I want them to act...
And then six beautiful eyes stared up at mine.
And what I saw there cooled off my anger like ice on a fire.
And I crumpled down beside the "swords"
And my tears joined Noe's.
I had gotten really angry.
And it wasn't just about the torn down curtains.
Or the danger of the nails on their carpet.
Or the pushing that had gone on between Jay and Noe.
It also had to do with the fact that spring break has not been much of a break.
The weather has not been good.
We've been in the house.
Not used to trying to keep all three boys occupied all day every day.
And no Awana.
And no mom's group.
And Dave working longer hours.
And me - having my own agenda.
Trying to do "my stuff"
And being interrupted.
And seeking my own selfish ways
And not understanding.
That boys will be boys.
And it is a gift.
They were cuddled and talked to.
Explaining what they should not have done.
And what mommy should not have done...
Noses were wiped.
Mommy's too.
Mommy asked for forgiveness-
for being so loud.
So loud that her throat hurt.
The guilt cut like a knife.
Deep and shattering.
Because I know how it feels -
to be on the other side.
And I don't want to be like that.
And then those little words.
Spoken from Jay-
"Mommy do you still love me?"
And more tears from mommy.
Words pushing past the lump in my throat.
"Baby, I will always, always love you! No matter what.
Sometimes what you do is not right.
And you need to be disciplined.
But mommy could not ever stop loving you.
Ever."
And of course, as He so often does,
God spoke so clearly in that moment.
Because that's how it is with He and I too.
Crushed to my chest.
Until he squirmed away-
Because boys will be boys.
And cuddling isn't their favorite when they are four.
Trying again today.
Learning who they are.
How they need to be love.
Learning more about this patient thing.
Because thy are my boys.
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13 comments:
this post is so awesome.
i feel like this so many times. it's so good to hear someone else dealing with the same things that i do. i love your honesty.
Been struggling with this too. Well not the boys part. Things that can get done with one child in the house are harder to do with 3. They want attention. I have an agenda. I have spent much of the week frustrated and feeling selfish. Glad to here I am not the only one. Praying for you, for me. Love you.
Your post was beautiful Wendi.
and now I'm going to say this:
When I worked in a Childcare center or as a Nanny I judged the Moms & Dad who scoffed at "break week" Thinking, "How nice! Spend some time with your kids would ya!"
Then I HAD my own kids and I thought again: "What are they complaining about "break week" They are YOUR kids, people."
Now fast forward to now. I hated break week! It screwed up everything! I mean seriously, I am not an entertainer 24/7. I can not play High School Musical for 10 hours straight or be spelling bee for an hour plus spelling words and then being told "Nah ah that's not right." WHO'S the speller?
It is frustrating once you get a groove and then break week comes. Nick is on break from preschool all next week. Lord help me, I've got some planning to do or it'll be nutzo here. I pray the weather will be nice.
I no longer judge, about anything, because frankly I'm a pathetic piece of work myself.
I do have to say, having friends like you and the teaching we do for each other has brought me to a place that I am SO grateful for.
I was abused, I had the poor remodels and here I am, yes I get angry, act like a 2 year old myself at times...but the guilt just melts away. Each time I loose it a little less, or I've taken that 10 second deep breth before I go all gangbusters, I LISTEN to the child before assuming what went down. And I yell less, the anger goes away faster. SANITY stays near. Peace is flowing around me more. Because we give ourselves to HIM, daily AND because he gave us each other to learn from to practise giving our grace to so when it comes down to it, that grace is then showered unto our children...just like he intended.
Sorry this was so long...Your post do that to me!:)
You always get me thinking.
This was such a good post! I have been where you were at (Yesterday) so many times.
Patience is something I Think is a life long struggle, Wendi. I promise you're not the only one that has to apologize to your boys! Just a few weeks ago when my boys were being boys and decided to swim in a bucket of paint, it took me acting exactly how you describe, to see my own selfesh ways and understand that, that is definitely not how I want them to act! Praying for you, that you get more of a "break" that things go back to normal for you quickly...This winter weather is beginning to take a toll on everyone I think!
You're so blessed to have those boys and I am so blessed to have you as a friend!
xoxo
oh how i feel you. this sounds much like my yesterday...praying that today finds you in a better place...all of you. and yet, what place is better than being humbled and realizing just how much we need to rely on God...and to be forgiven. much love dearest wendi!
This really is getting kind of freaky, isn't it?
LOVED your post. It's so true, this happens to me all.the.time. Hang in there, you ARE a great Mama.
What a perfect description of what having a boy is all about. I was terrified of mothering a son, but it has been quite the adventure!
My favorite part is the last stanza:
Trying again today.
Learning who they are.
How they need to be loved.
Learning about this patient thing.
Beautiful! And I feel the same way!
You nailed it girlfriend!!
So thankful that each day is an opportunity to learn and love :)
Beautifully said... I know I need to ask for forgiveness a lot.
You are getting lots of practice in the patience area. You are a wonderful mother even when you lose it! God is so good in having our children forgive us. Sometimes I think it is easier for them to forgive us than for us to forgive them. I am looking forward to being with them on Monday. Love, Mom
It happens to all of us...what is so wonderful is the connectionyou get when you get down on the floor with them and talk about the why's and what's and what can be done differntly. The moment when you are forgiven...and loved. That is the Holy Spirit working!
I always thought I wanted girls...but now I want boys. =)
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