Wednesday, November 12, 2008

 One more thing for the list

I have this mental list. It is a list of things that we were told K would very likely never be able to do. Of course the doctors who told us these things let us know they could never distinguish the specifics of what the actual out come would be for our K - that they were only making a prediction based on the medical evidence that was found.
When K entered this world his body was not ready for life outside of the womb. He was only 5 weeks past 'half baked'. The major hemorrhaging in his brain seemed like a sign that his body was rebelling. He still needed the safety and nurturing from my body.
And God said, "Just watch what I am going to do with this one!"
I remember standing in a very small dark room when K was about one month old. The NICU doctor on duty that day was one who we were getting to know as the more negative of the six doctors who looked after K during his initial 3 month hospital stay. He clipped the films from K's brain scan up onto the light board and began explaining the damage they could see there. Part of me wanted to scream at him to stop. K was alive and I just wanted to celebrate that - not look into the future and speculate. Another part of me wanted to beg him to continue. What will my baby be like? Will he ever speak? Will he know me? His mama - the one who longed to hold him, who had memorized his little movements inside that isolette which separated us, and wondered what his voice would sound like without all of those tubes which hindered it from being heard.
I asked for specifics and no one could tell me. They could hypothesize though.
In amongst the medical jargon that I tried to keep up with I caught bits and pieces of information that were very clear:
"The grade 4 hemorrhage was here, in the left side of his brain. He bled into the tissue. It has formed clots and blocked the drainage of the cerebral spinal fluid. He needs brain surgery to place a shunt.
This is the part of his brain that interprets speech. It's basically gone. He can't regrow that tissue. It doesn't look good. For K, speaking would be a miracle. Sometimes the brain can mirror on the good side what it would've done on the damaged side, but that is unlikely with him. Although not as severe, the other side has damages too.
And on and on it went. I began to imagine my life with a child who would never know me or speak to me. I broke down sobbing in the waiting room on the way out. It didn't last long. I had to briefly grieve lost hopes and expectations that every new parent has. And then I thought of my dear nephew who had also suffered some major damage to his brain when he was a tiny baby. On most occasions he was, and continues to be, one of the happiest children I have ever had the privilege of meeting. He was six at the time, with a much younger and baby like mentality. When you look into his eyes there are times you see not only age appropriate wisdom, but something far more. I smiled when I thought of him. And then a new feeling began pouring into my heart. I could not believe what a privilege I was being given. Oh, I knew it would be hard. I knew there would be days when I would still ask why, but I began to feel very honored to be K's mommy.
Fast forward to last Friday. K got off the bus with an excited grin. I opened his back pack and inside was a book with a note attached. The note read, "Please have K read this to you and return it on Monday". I was puzzled. I was aware that he knew his alphabet and each sound the letters made, but reading a book to me?
Dear K,
So you can read. My heart felt like it was going to burst with pride when we sat down together and read "Hot Dog" and then "Cuddly Kittens". Some words flew off your tongue with ease. Some took 5 minutes to sound out and figure out. But baby - you can read! I didn't know.
Now you are wanting to read every thing in the house. The cereal box, your books, the newspaper ("Mommy, who's O-b-ahh-ma?"), EVERYTHING! In true K style, there are some quite difficult words which you read proficiently only to stumble over a simple two letter word. That's my boy. The power is in confusing the adults isn't it? I got your number!
Now you've survived that first year, you've spoken (and have barely paused to take a breath since you began!), you've ridden a bike, you've taken steps on your own, and you have begun to read. God has held you in the palm of his hand. You are being used to bring glory to Him. Someday you will see what a rare and amazing privilege this is.
Waiting to see what you will do next, and yet so in awe at all you've already completed. If this were all we would ever watch you do, I would never be able to thank God enough. Something tells me it isn't.


Katarina said...

Good for K!! That is so exciting. God is SO good!!

Sara@ Butterville said...

Wendi, I must be honest with you. We are so very different. You had to watch your boys fight for there lives. Grieve the loss of one of those precious boys. Be told your son won't do, won't do, won't do. You endured such heartache in this area. I was happy to have made it through my first pregnancy and the end result a perfect girl. So when I became pregnant with my son, I was angry. Scared. I didn't want to go through the fear again. I didn't want to tempt fate.
I just need you to know that I admire you so. I love your honesty and transparency in your struggles. I wept today reading your post. I wept for joy that your beautiful son K is defying those doctors. Oh, how much I am filled with praise for our Lord today, because I read a story about a boy "they" said WOULDN'T. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for the being my friend who has different experiences then me , but who loves her children, delights in them and her God just like I do.
I wish I could hug you now! :)

sara said...

Yea for K! I am sitting here grinning from ear to ear as I read this! Thank you for sharing this joy with us!

Kristy said...

We had such a good time with you guys yesterday. I told Curt last night that watching K and seeing the things he is able to do is amazing. He may not be able to do some things the same way others do, but he's found a way to do them. He is an inspiration.

I know how I felt when Jacob first read to me. I was never told that he couldn't and I was so excited for him and proud of his achievement. I can only imagine the joy you felt.

I can't wait for our next play date. The boys are already asking when.

Sarah@Life in the Parsonage said...

K has an amazing Heavenly Father that has such big plans for him...and He chose YOU to be the mom of him...pretty awesome :)

Aspiemom said...

This post made me tearful, Wendi. It is so amazing what God can do. He doesn't have limits. We set His limits sometimes, but He doesn't listen to drs. and medical personnel. He listens to your prayers and shows His plan for K's life. How wonderful to see his progress. K must be so proud!!

Anthony's Mommy said...

awwwww little (not so little anymore) K!!! I'm so proud of you!!! He is such an awesome little boy! I bet you were tearing up the whole time he read that book to you!!

We are starting speech therapy next week. Anthony says words here and there. But I know a lot of what he wants to say gets stuck in his throat =-( Darn BPD. He's great at communicating his wants though. He actually goes and stands at his bedroom door when he wants a nap! Did you guys enjoy doing speech therapy?

Heather said...

I know you must be so proud of K for all if his hard work. What an awesome God we serve!

Sarah M. said...

Yeah K! Not only are you reading, but you are right on par with your 3 month older cousin Delphia!

Heather of the EO said...

I just randomly stumbled over to your blog from another blogroll. It was a good day to do that. You gave me perspective. Not that your intention is to make other moms realize they've got it really good, but it did give me a peaceful perspective.

My son, Asher will be having surgery soon to put a shunt in as we just found out he has hydrocephalus. He's sixteen months old and this was caught before there has been any noticeable damage to his development. I praise God for that. I've been worrying about the little things around his MRI and surgery. And then I came here and read a number of your stories. It reminded me that we're going to be okay.

You are a gifted writer and so inspiring. thank you.

Peace to you,

Elizabeth said...

this brought tears to my eyes...thank you so much for sharing your miracles with us.

AmandaHoyt said...

That is so awesome - a miracle - of God's making. Praise the Lord for K and reading :)
Hugs and prayers,

dani said...

i have happy, proud tears for your little miracle boy, wendi:) yea, k!!!

Jules from "The Roost" said...

That is fabulous! My heart is full of gratefulness for what God has done!

Stacey said...

Yea!! That is so totally awesome!! He will continue to defy all odds, I know! He has great parents to support and nuture him!!

Go read them again!!

Jenn said...

What an absolutely beautiful post! I'm celebrating over here with you and K!

jennifer@love,laughter,and lyrics said...

OH. Oh.

He is such a precious miracle. Praise God.

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

I am sitting here on my couch, simultaneously weeping and laughing at the miracles that God has been working in sweet K. Oh, He is so good!

K never ceases to amaze me...please keep sharing these awesome stories - they encourage me more than you know!

Rachel @ Unexpected Blessings said...

You did it again, I am crying. God is so good!

Rejoicing with you,


Cindy said...

When you have children like ours, children whom the doctors held no hope for, everyday is a miracle, and every accomplishment a joy.
I sit here with such pride welling within me as if K were my own. I feel the joy and am thankful to God for what HE has been working in K.
Thank you for being you and being willing to share your life with us.

Chelle said...

Wow. This little K of your blows me away. It is so beautiful to hear your share how truly you see the fingerprints of God are all over this precious son of yours.
And he is so blessed to have you beautiful lady, as his incredible Mommy.

MoziEsmé said...

Way to go, K! What a terrific miracle kid!

Joyfulsheep said...

Way to go K! I really enjoyed seeing you and the rest of the family last weekend. I look forward to seeing you again with anticipation of K reading me a story too!

Anonymous said...

Oh Wendi, I've got to stop reading your blog at work! I've got tears rolling down my cheeks AGAIN! :)


And this line:
And God said, "Just watch what I am going to do with this one!"

Gave me chills to the core. It was like I could feel God saying it right along with you. NOTHING is impossible with our Lord, as you see every day with your son, even defying medical science! Let God be glorified in His miracles!!!

I hope you and your precious family have a wonderful evening. :)

Noah and Ryders Mommy said...

Wendi this is such a tear jerker of a story, but when I say tears, I mean happy ones...It's amazing what the Lord can only goes so far and then comes...well you know!

So happy and excited for K that he is reading and will bring so much more to your life inthe future. Our God is an AWESOME GOD!!
I know you would agree with that

Amy said...

Wendi, Sometimes the doctors don't know everything, but we know someone. He is the Healer, He is our father, God. Thank you so much for sharing this amazing journey with us. I am often encouraged by my visits here. I probably should comment more, but I do read your posts and I am praying for you as you raise those great children God has blessed you with. God can touch a heart, mind, or body and show to us how great He really is. I am glad I serve a miracle working God. Blessings.

mudpies4all said...

So proud of K! What an amazing boy he is, and such a shining example of what our Awesome God can do! Thank you for sharing with us. Your blog is better than chicken soup for making me feel good. :-)

creative gal said...

Beautiful!! I know that truly made your day!!

DidiLyn said...

Crying tears with you. These are the happy ones. :-)

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