Hurting with them... (updated)

I know many of you are aware of the journey of faith, pain, and joy that Tod and Angie Smith have been on by reading their blog Bring the Rain. I have traveled this journey with them through Angie's amazing writing and have shed so many tears in the process. It has brought up things that I have tried to forget. It has brought them up and helped me to deal with them. Angie has had a powerful impact on my own healing. Angie's Sister in law Nicol and brother in law Greg have also experienced a heart ache so deep that my mind fights the contemplation of it. On May 27th Nicol and Greg's 10 week old baby boy, Luke, slipped into the arms of Jesus. I have never met this family, and likely will not. In a logical sense I do not know them. In my heart I do, for we are now bound by an experience not of our choosing, but of an enormity which will forever alter the course of our lives. For more of their story visit their blog Light Your World. My heart is specifically burdened for them tonight. I can not get this family out of my mind and heart. So, I'm not even going to try. Instead I am going to invite these feelings in - along with the memories that will inevitably flood my mind. Tomorrow at 10:00 am this sweet family will be having a memorial celebration for baby Luke. And they will need our prayers. I say this because prayers held me up at a time when I thought my legs would not carry me. When we laid to rest our baby boy over five years ago. He was so beautiful you guys. He was really really special. My amazing praying friends and family held me up at a time when all I wanted to do was hide. He's very, very sick. Do you understand the implications of that? We've done every thing we can. We've given it our best effort. God, I know you can do this. Please PLEASE send us our miracle! We are waiting on you God. We trust you with this tiny baby boy who has shown us how deeply we can love. Baby boy, oh Baby boy. In my arms. Mommy doesn't ever want to let you go. I never knew love could be this fierce. You are so soft, so tiny, so a part of me. Please don't be gone! "He's gone" Oh God, it hurts SO much. Please use this experience. Give him a legacy. Let us channel the hurt to reach out to others. You are good. We hurt, but we know with out a doubt that you are good. I felt numb during J.D.s memorial service. I remember very little of it. I remember wanting to bolt from the building when we stepped foot into the church where the memorial service took place. I remember throwing myself into the arms of our pastor and whimpering "I don't want to do this". I remember that I didn't cry until I saw the tiny tiny box that held his body. I remember being in awe of Dave's strength as I stood up front with him and listened to the words he had written about his son. It tore at my heart and touched me beyond words. Tonight I am wrapping my prayers around Greg and Nicol as I feel their pain. My heart rejoices that the emotion of pain is not the end though. We hurt for ourselves, those of us who miss the loved one who is no longer in our arms. We hurt for each other, knowing the grief process that will at times feel like it will overwhelm. But the treasure of joy in the midst of this is the hope we cling to. We do not hurt for those who we know are in a place that is so much better than where we are. We could never give them what Jesus is at this very moment. They will not experience pain, or hurt, rejection, or disappointment. For that friends, I truly feel joy. Although it can be a strange mingling of emotions, I am so glad that we have this hope.

Wendi and Baby J.D. Hours before his home going

J.D.s memorial service

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed. For his compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him." Lamentations 3:21-24