Wednesday, August 20, 2008

 Hurting with them... (updated)

I know many of you are aware of the journey of faith, pain, and joy that Tod and Angie Smith have been on by reading their blog Bring the Rain. I have traveled this journey with them through Angie's amazing writing and have shed so many tears in the process. It has brought up things that I have tried to forget. It has brought them up and helped me to deal with them. Angie has had a powerful impact on my own healing. Angie's Sister in law Nicol and brother in law Greg have also experienced a heart ache so deep that my mind fights the contemplation of it. On May 27th Nicol and Greg's 10 week old baby boy, Luke, slipped into the arms of Jesus. I have never met this family, and likely will not. In a logical sense I do not know them. In my heart I do, for we are now bound by an experience not of our choosing, but of an enormity which will forever alter the course of our lives. For more of their story visit their blog Light Your World. My heart is specifically burdened for them tonight. I can not get this family out of my mind and heart. So, I'm not even going to try. Instead I am going to invite these feelings in - along with the memories that will inevitably flood my mind. Tomorrow at 10:00 am this sweet family will be having a memorial celebration for baby Luke. And they will need our prayers. I say this because prayers held me up at a time when I thought my legs would not carry me. When we laid to rest our baby boy over five years ago. He was so beautiful you guys. He was really really special. My amazing praying friends and family held me up at a time when all I wanted to do was hide. He's very, very sick. Do you understand the implications of that? We've done every thing we can. We've given it our best effort. God, I know you can do this. Please PLEASE send us our miracle! We are waiting on you God. We trust you with this tiny baby boy who has shown us how deeply we can love. Baby boy, oh Baby boy. In my arms. Mommy doesn't ever want to let you go. I never knew love could be this fierce. You are so soft, so tiny, so a part of me. Please don't be gone! "He's gone" Oh God, it hurts SO much. Please use this experience. Give him a legacy. Let us channel the hurt to reach out to others. You are good. We hurt, but we know with out a doubt that you are good. I felt numb during J.D.s memorial service. I remember very little of it. I remember wanting to bolt from the building when we stepped foot into the church where the memorial service took place. I remember throwing myself into the arms of our pastor and whimpering "I don't want to do this". I remember that I didn't cry until I saw the tiny tiny box that held his body. I remember being in awe of Dave's strength as I stood up front with him and listened to the words he had written about his son. It tore at my heart and touched me beyond words. Tonight I am wrapping my prayers around Greg and Nicol as I feel their pain. My heart rejoices that the emotion of pain is not the end though. We hurt for ourselves, those of us who miss the loved one who is no longer in our arms. We hurt for each other, knowing the grief process that will at times feel like it will overwhelm. But the treasure of joy in the midst of this is the hope we cling to. We do not hurt for those who we know are in a place that is so much better than where we are. We could never give them what Jesus is at this very moment. They will not experience pain, or hurt, rejection, or disappointment. For that friends, I truly feel joy. Although it can be a strange mingling of emotions, I am so glad that we have this hope.

Wendi and Baby J.D. Hours before his home going

J.D.s memorial service

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed. For his compassions never fail. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him." Lamentations 3:21-24

16 comments:

Smilingsal said...

Too sad for words.

Lena said...

I have been following her blog for the last several months as well... and when I came across your blog I was reminded of the stuff Angie as gone through.

I can't imagine how it must feel to have a child only to lose them... even though I know loss I can't relate to the kind of loss you and Angie have had.

I have learned so much through Angie's blog (and yours as well)
and I will keep the family in my prayers. Thanks for sharing this :)

MoziEsmé said...

God is good - sometimes that's the only thing to cling to.

I've just read up on your two links as well as your own story, and the tears flow.

When Esme was born, we had just gotten 3 Selah CDs, and I spent so many hours of the first 6 weeks of her life pacing the floor to their music. She was adamant about not wanting to be put down to sleep, but would sleep as I walked. The music soothed her in a way nothing else did.

And their You Raise Me Up video - my husband came across it on YouTube right at the time we were deciding whether or not to go to Mozambique. The building, the African faces - it was a sign to us that we were meant to come.

It's so hard to see Todd and Nicol going through what they're going through now when they've (unknowingly) played such an important role in my life.

I am so thankful for my baby girl as I hold her tonight. I've got my own heartbreak in another area (don't we all?) - and I've been asking God why. Maybe I just need to immerse myself in the pain and let Him hold me for a while. He is good, He is real, and He is love, even though so much in this world is so wrong.

You're in my prayers, too. May His comfort continue to be with you.

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

My friend, I have no words, only tears. I know you will always carry that sweet boy in your heart.

I will be praying for Todd and Angie and for Luke's parents tomorrow...they are going to need Jesus to carry them through.

HDMac said...

I am so very sorry for all of your loss.... It is such a difficult time.... Only God's love and grace gets us through. .. .. It is a numbing time and they will need you in the time to come... It is something that will never leave them... and his birthday will always bring an inner pain... (God will be with them... though)... . And as time goes on, they will see a child that would have been their child's age and they will think about him.... Friends and family will need to know this and be there and understand... and you sound so loving and understanding, I am sure that God will use you to encourage and love them in the times ahead... We don't understand why God calls some of the most beautiful flowers in our gardens to be with Him, but we trust knowing that He is the blessed Controller of all things and that His love covers all... Praying for you!!

mamachristina said...

I don't even have words but I will be praying.

Sarah M. said...

J.D. is forever in our family. It still bring tears to think of him and the path his life led us all on. God IS so good. JD is precious to us.

Kellie said...

Wendi,

Just know that the way you find strength in what Angie has to say, I find that same strength in your words. You and Angie have both been my voice when I cannot find the words to describe many of my feelings. It has only been 18 months since my sweet Noah went with Jesus, and I look to you as a guide, as you have traveled this road before me. God bless you and your family.

dani said...

God is good, always, wendy:) i will say a prayer...
love,
dani

Stacey said...

Wendi, I can't even imagine what you had to go through. You are a strong woman and family...

Love to you.

Debra said...

May the Lord cover you all in the warm blanket of His embrace.

Tonya said...

Oh Wendi, I have a huge knot in my throat. I'm even scared to click those links for fear the tears will fall. Praying for you and them without knowing details, because God does.

Amanda said...

thank you for sharing...the links....your own experience...the reality that God is good no matter what...through even the deepest pain.

Angela said...

I found your blog through moziesme, and I feel the quiet strength of God here... I am praying for you and with you - I will follow the links to the other families blogs and lift them up to Him during such a emotional time. God Bless you, your family and your angel in heaven...

Becoming Me said...

I have no words

Kari Dawson said...

Though I can't comprehend your loss or Angie's or the passing of baby Luke I'm still glad you shared. God is good. As Todd just wrote in Angie's blog "things may not turn out the way we want them to, but it is the way in which God is glorified." Thank you for being willing to let God work through you.