Poem

~Forever Changed~

Two pink lines - excitement, disbelief

God’s answer to prayer

Anticipation

Pure joy


A changing body

Brand new territory

A new wardrobe

So much fascination


Protective feelings

Being so careful

Priceless cargo

Practicing caution


Small figure on the screen

His hand clasps hers in joy

Is it a dream?

Could there really be TWO?


Wonder and hope

Our two boys

Growing inside -safe and protected

Dreams coming true


Is it what she thinks it is?

A flutter of life

Can’t stop the tears of joy

Tiny legs and arms - connect with mamma


Planning for two

Dreaming each day

Talking each night

Naming our gifts


J.D. and Baby K

God’s precious boys

A closeness, a bond

Becoming more real with each passing day


Watched oh so closely

Seventeen weeks left

Fear grips, her body betrays

This was not supposed to happen


Plans derailed

Christmas with out her family

A prisoner to the couch

Hands clasped in prayer


A routine visit

It’s happening too fast!

So much activity

Some one go get the Doctor!


An unexpected wheelchair ride

What is happening?

Some one slow it down!

Some one tell me why!


God, please keep my babies inside!

Out of control emotions

Tears won't stop

Every move a potential danger


A week in the hospital

So many questions

So many medications

Hoping for more time


Each minute, hour, day, a precious gift

Please God, give us time!

Tick, tick, tick

Counting


A dull ache

She tries to ignore

It can't be

Hills become mountains on the monitor


“It can't be stopped, you are complete”

A strange peace

A silent strength

God’s hand


A stirring within

A connecting with her boys T

heir hands meet

Soon she will see them


No, no, no, no!!

She must protect

Resist the orders

Keep them inside


His clear blue eyes

His reassuring hand

Giving her strength

Telling her she can


Scared, yes, but excited too

It is happening

They are coming

It is time


A flash of pain

I can't, I can't!!

Light headed

It’s too much!


Time stands still

A quick glance

So tiny

Awestruck – J.D.


More pain

Searing her body

A turn inside

He’s here – Baby K


Hope glimmers

Tiny cries

Rushed away

Daddy’s tears fall


Empty

Too soon

Cold

Hostile environment


A visit to NICU

Is it a dream?

Could they be hers?

So miniature


So many tubes

What are the numbers?

Alarms every where

Beautiful baby boys


Fear intensifies

She tries to protect - not love

Too late

Her heart is theirs


Love overwhelms

Time flies

Time stops

Questions bombard


God help!

So many prayers

Tired, so tired

Time spent by isolletts


All a blur

Information overload

Too many medical terms

What does it all mean?


BPD, PDA, IVH, ROP

Jaundice, NEC, anemia

Apnea, bradychardia

Blood transfusions, surgeries


Not J.D.! - He’s the healthy one!

Life fades

Organs shut down

Numbness creeps in


Make it stop!

Let me wake up!

Let it all be a bad dream!

My baby, my baby, my baby!!


Decisions to make

Prolonging life or prolonging death?

When did she get so old? “I can't !”


“My grace is sufficient for you”


Placed in her arms

For the first time, tube free

She clings to the body

Beautiful, her first born son


Wanting to hold on forever

Needing to let go

God’s presence felt

Peace


Tossing and turning

Waking up in tears

“Why God??”

No audible reply


“My grace is sufficient for you”


She wants to be with him

She doesn't want the pain

It hurts too much

Take it away!


It is so permanent

 Too final

He is gone

Not coming back


Picking a casket

Planning a service

Choosing an outfit

 It feels so wrong


A double rocking horse

Matching crib sets

Two of everything

Take it away- it hurts too much!


She has to go on

A tiny hand reaches out

Baby K

Her hope, her motivation


A deep breath

A new resolve

He needs her

His daddy needs her


God has a plan

Life does go on

 Pain is still raw

Hope pours in


Ninety-six days in the NICU

So many brushes with death

Mommy’s little fighter

He beats the odds


God is so good

What they said could not be is now a reality

It is a miracle

A true blessing


He grows

He surprises all

He is home

Finally!!!!


Love so deep

Her passion

Her life

Her precious Baby K


The pain holds on

It hides close behind the smile

There were supposed to be two

He is missed so deeply


One of us is gone

A piece will forever be missing

We will carry on

His grace is sufficient


He smiles

A huge reward

He laughs

She cries in joy


He grows

1 ½ pounds become 12 ½

13 inches become 24

Progress


NICU days are gone

Never forgotten

Thank you God

My heart overflows


Wendi July 2003