Gift number one thousand and one

Several months ago I began hearing alot about a book.

I read excerpts on blogs, and some made me teary.

After the name of this particular book came up over and over in my sphere of influence, I decided that it must not be coincidence.

So I bought it.

"One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp "A Dare to Live Fully, Right Where You Are".

Sounded like something that could really help with my perspective. I can't tell you the number of times that I have disengaged with my boys... my responsibilities... life around me... because I just wanted to wait for the hard parts to pass. There is so much wrong with that. I know that hard will never go away. And I know that sweet is so closely entwined with hard that you totally miss the best things of life when you shut your eyes and turn from hard. I am learning how important these things are. Right now. I am learning it now.

In reading through this book, I began to learn how better to live in each moment and find thankfulness. Making lists of what I was thankful for. The joy this can bring is amazing! I deeply appreciated the message of Ann's book.

Here's a little quirk about me; although I am very aware that you can't judge a book by its cover.... I do base some of my attraction to particular books on their visual appeal. And this one... well, I loved it. Something about hands cupping a nest...sweet robin's eggs, that perfect shade of blue....

As I was reading it, I began to mentally form a plan of how to display this book in my home.

A book stand that can hang on the wall,

vinyl letters...maybe spelling out "inspiration" or "thankful" above it,

somewhere that I would glance at it often and be reminded {live fully in this moment, engage, be thankful!}.


And then I found him one day...

the littlest one,

with a pen,

and the book.

Look at the pictures above again. Yep.

Here's a closer look.

He's been hard lately.

Really hard.

How quickly boys of a sweet, innocent, laid back temperament can become

aggressive, stubborn, defiant ones.


He's closing in on two...


I looked at him,

and the book,

and the pen.

It was hard. You may say, "it's just a book! No biggie."

I know. Really, I do.

Usually I am pretty good about letting things go. Things. They aren't important like people.

But, I am not proud to say, this just upset me.

I really liked the book.

I liked the cover.

I liked my idea to display it...


I felt overly warm and frustrated. I let him know how unhappy I was.

-How careless he was.


His lip quivered....

There we were - a mama and a little boy. The little one beginning to exert initiative,

creative expression,

curiosity.

Yes, obstinate stubbornness as well, BUT....

He is young, and he is learning.


He stood there, lip quivering - vacillating between not fully understanding his teary eyed babbling mama,

being sorry,

and wanting to draw some more.



I stood there, fingers pointing, frustration growing - wavering between knowing better,

giving in to my anger,

and just wanting to hug him.


Then both of our eyes were just drawn to the item being under such scrutiny...

The book.

"One Thousand Gifts"

"A Dare to Live Fully, Right Where You Are".

Wow.

Yes.

Eyes shut, reaching for him, cradling him close for the half a second that he would let me,

then slowly letting his squirming body go free.

Running around, chubby cheeks moving back up - pushed by his grin.

When he slowed his running in circles around me I talked to him, much more gently, about the appropriate places for writing and drawing, but then told him I loved him... and I was sorry.

Gift number 1001: a small boy who cares to express himself creatively

Books to read

Lessons for this mama to learn

Living in each moment fully, and taking the good with the bad...


No question; this book is going on display in my home.

I will glance at it often and I will remember my gifts.


* This post is dedicated to my friend Hayley, who after hearing all about this particular story, said "You need to blog this". :) She gets me.

Photo Favorites Friday

This week, featuring my OWN boys. :)

Yes... I finally did updated pictures of each of our guys. They did great! They are my favorites. Favorite photos I mean. Of course they will always be my favorite boys in the whole world! :)

 

Ahhhh! I am so blessed. :)

And now we are going camping.

Have a great weekend!

Living and healing

It snuck up on me this year.

There wasn't the "waiting and watching" that usually happens.

The Rose of Sharon was a memorial gift. Actually, we were blessed with a gift certificate to a local nursery, and we chose this.

It was given by friends and family who desperately wanted to honor our son; who wanted to give us something lasting. Something that would help us remember him

year,

after year,

after year.

And oh, that is what it has been!

Every summer my heart just glows as these large and beautiful lavender blooms pop out.

First just a few,

then multiple flowers begin to cascade down every inch of this bush.

It's amazing to watch!

When we planted it, the shrub only stood a couple feet tall.

Now it has to be somewhere in the 7-9 ft. range

It has thrived. With little to no maintenance, this plant has grown and multiplied and become more beautiful every year!

What a special gift.

What a neat reminder.

I do remember a time when I would watch it daily.

 In the late spring and early summer...

...I would observe for buds, and finally they would emerge.

Then I would long for the buds to transform into flowers.

Like some how... in some way... it was an acknowledgement of him.

{Yes, he happened.

Yes the memoires come back.

Yes his life was beautiful.

Come out blooms! Show me your beauty!}

Well, this year I was just doing life.

I was living in each moment and loving my family...

when we drove into the driveway one day and ...

.Boom.

...there they were.

They were already covering the tree.

They were in FULL bloom!

How did I miss it?

Where was the longing?

The waiting?

This is a good thing.

This is healing

and living.

Living for the living and yet, still forever treasuring him.

It's bittersweet friends.

But truly, God is a God who heals,

 and who brings such color into our lives!

Photo Favorites Friday

As I sit with a little one on the couch, give pain meds 'round the clock, and try to keep him calm, I figured I may as well post some photos fav'es on this lovely (HOT) Friday.

Jay's tonsillectomy + ear tube surgery went well. I think we are in for a bit more of an intense day, pain wise, today, but we are thankful for yesterday going so much better than anticipated.

So, without further ado - let me share these favorites.

 From an engagement photo shoot I did last Saturday.

 Ahhh! The sweetness is too much. I did this sweet little man's photos last month.

And, a very dear friend and her very photogenic family.

Have a great weekend! Drink lots of water, hang out by the AC. :)

Monday morning ponderings

It's the first day back on our "regular" schedule since July 6th.

It has always been hard for me to take a bunch of time off from "regular", and then gracefully slide back into it. Always.

My alarm went off at its "regular" time of 5:30. I was in some other world where alarms are only faint figments of foggy imaginations.

I got up at 7:30.

Coffee is beside me, one boy is awake and quietly hanging out next to me. Have I ever told you about my non-spillable coffee mug that goes everywhere with me? If not, I should likely write a blog post fully devoted to it. It has changed my life. Or at least changed the lifespan on my carpet, van floor, and furniture.

I should be
a) vacuuming my floors
b) making some important phone calls
c) editing photos from my most recent photo shoot
d) folding the three loads of laundry that look far too comfortable on my loveseat
e) making a delicious and nutritious breakfast for the boys who will soon be boisterously awake and ready for it

There is an f,g,h,i, and j in here some where as well, but the point is that I am not going down that alphabet right now.

I am thinking about a bucket list

I am mentally redecorating our play room

I am remembering vacation and gearing up to make photo cds for my family

I am reflecting on sunshine, hot summer days, and God's goodness in bringing season after season to its peak.

My heart is in prayer about possible job changes for my husband. And the possibilty of job sameness. And how we will respond to either outcome.

-As well as a pondering on this dream of mine; photography moving form hobby stuff, to several photo shoots. People calling, emailing, wanting to book sessions and leaving me with grins and wonderings. Now? I never ever thought that this year, this busiest of all years for our family (mainly the David person, but certainly trickling down to each one of us), would be the year for me to start a business, to break through comfort in order to reach for growth.

Have I told you how nervous I get when people actually pay me to take their pictures? I mean, it's like this risk. If I fail, I have seriously let some one down. And yet, I do this because as anxious as I may get before hand, when I am there - camera in hand, and beauty in front of me -  something just happens. Fear is replaced completely by excitement, and -I don't know, I've never known how to explain it. But I think that is why this has blossomed quickly and multiplied. None of it really makes sense - and those are the things that God uses the most.

It hasn't been easy in every aspect. I never want this thing that I do to infringe upon family time, my home, my people. Ever.

I never want the business aspect to over shadow the passion aspect. And yet, finding the business aspect to be very important.

There's friendship intertwined in there, and honestly that has been stretched as well. Communication, reaching for excellence, organization, while trying to relax and enjoy the ride. Yep, a challenge for sure! Gathering the sum of this all up and handing over to God is the best thing I could possibly do. And so I am. Right now. Even as I process through writing.

Also pondering: surgery for my Jay. Thursday morning he will have his first one. Brother K has had 10. Jay's is "routine". "Minor". But you all know that when it is your kid, surgery and minor can't really be used in the same sentence.

Who needs tonsils anyway, right? :) Apparently not Jay. He'll always be my little man, and I hate to see any of my little men in pain. Again - stretched and so much needing to be gathered up...and handed over to God.

Filling out my menu board, and making sure it looks pretty ;)

Getting back on eastern time

Getting back on my reading through the Bible in one year schedule (not too far behind!)

Blueberries (I could ponder blueberries for a long time! I'm in love. Feel free to send me any recipes that contain blueberries)

My first day back at the Center for Women since June

Possible side effects to K's medication increase

My calendar

Whether or not Kai's new bad behavior is vacation related or "I'm almost two, watch me change" related

When I can actually get my family pictures taken

How grown the boys look with their new haircuts

How much I love my family, immediate and extended.

Monday morning ponderings. :)

The numbers of vacation

1300

miles traveled 

8

days away from home 

4

different places we spent the night at  

6

times we filled up the gas tank 

5

different states we were in 

647

times Kai hurt some ones feelings by bursting into tears, throwing himself to the ground, and running frantically from them, while screaming, "MAMA!" every time they as much as looked in his direction. 

15

years since I had seen some of the family members that I was able to spend time with while on vacation 

22
people we fit in one elevator at the Omaha zoo
(it was so fun to look around me, see this large crowd, and realize that it was just my family, my 4 siblings, and their families!) 

100

dollars under budget we managed to do the vacation on

(happy dance) 

4

bags that still need unpacked and put away

(a little avoidance going on)  

320

photos taken 

3

loads of laundry done at a campground 

48

quarters needed to wash and dry all said laundry 

1

time the "new" camper leaked on us.

(Dave was able to fix it in about 20 minutes time, and we had no problems after that *whew*) 

3

times we went out to eat in the 8 days that we were gone

(I saved so much by having the good sized freezer and fridge in the camper!) 

6

very tired people in this household who are re-acclimating to reality

So many memories made. So much good, mixed with hard, and tired, and special!

I hope you are all having a wonderful July! This is our month; the month that Dave has his only break from school until next spring, when he graduates with his bachelors degree in management and organizational development. We are soaking up all of this wonderful daddy time!

Now, if you will excuse me, I have some bags to unpack. ;)

On being community. And being festive. I like both.

Sometimes it's nice to just "be".

Be family.

Be friends.

Be community.

Be thankful {for freedoms so easily taken for granted}.


I'm making lists right now.

Many, many lists. Many miles, many meals, many details to plan for...


But for a minute I want to just be.

This is what our weekend looked like. It was very festive.

I think if I had more time on my hands (I don't know what that would even feel like) there would be alot more festive in my life. Like parties with fun decorations and coordinating foods. I would steal all of my ideas from Pinterest and it would be beautiful. ;)

I've been thinking alot about community lately. We are blessed. More blessed this year than we have been in some years past. There were some lonely years. Constant with babies and not alot else. Don't get me wrong, babies = good. It also can = a bit of isolation and alot of tired.

But now... God is doing something and I like it. Alot.

It's good for us, and it's good for our babies.

Knitting hearts, laughing, loving on each others kids, and being accountable. It's very good.

Festive.

Smiles.

Explosives.

What could be better than our babies sharing explosives? Nothing says community like that, eh? ;)

Oh wait, I know what's better.

A smokin' hot...

Fire.

Okay, back to lists. And piles. And lists. And packing. And not driving myself insane trying to take care of vacation details.

I'm going to forget something. And it's going to be okay.

I'm just going to repeat that over and over.

I'm sure there are stores where we are going.

{See, this is me not freaking out}

Until next time,

I hope your weekend was filled with thankfulness and alot of festive.