Springing

I don't mean to make y'all weary over my exuberance on springs {long awaited} arrival...

But I can't hold it in. I'm so happy about this. So, so happy.

 

I think every year winter seems long. And at the beginning of spring, when this hoped for season seems to be dragging its feet, we always tend to think that we have just experienced the longest winter in the history of our lives.

And then spring comes into full bloom, and soon after summer's heat gives us a bit of memory lapse - and all things cold, and snowflake covered vanish form our mind and vocabulary.

But really - this winter? Longest in the history of my life. It just would.not.go.away.

-Makes all of this so much more lovely.

{Perfect spot for reading and listening to the birds sing}

This is good.

Oh - and this - what's not to love about this?!

Pictures and blessings and signs of spring abound

Our Easter was colorful and simple.

It was so full of praise and worship that I find it carrying over into my today; my Monday {as well it should}.

Jay's smiles are very contagious. He did alot of smiling yesterday. His smiles didn't carry over to today as mine have, but I'll give him some time. He is only 6.

We put K's eggs on the deck, since it is harder for him to maneuver all over the yard like the other guys.

We only had to tell the other guys a couple of times to, "Stop getting the ones from the deck! Those are K's!"

And always, always - the necklace and playlist by his side {Always. No exceptions. Unless batteries are dead or necklace is lost}.

So handsome. My little men.

Who knew a girl could nearly drown in this feeling of being blessed. It's incredible.

"Wait, what?!" There's an egg over there! I'm coming! I'm coming! Don't tell Jay! He gets all the good eggs."

"Where? I don't see it. Where is it??"

Indeed. Jay does get most of the eggs. Precious Noe has inherited his dear mommy's absentmindedness. Poor baby. {He did eventually get it, in case you were all worried about that}

And while the baby boys were searching for eggs, and enjoying grandma and grandpa, mommy was doing some searching of her own.

Signs of spring friends!! Signs of spring.

{Bliss}

Easter in my heart

We're here and we are being a family and the minutes are full.

We have extra-special-Dave-breakfast on the weekends. Especially on long weekends like this one. He pampers us.

It's sun-shiny out so he is out. I love the springtime Dave with a little extra special, heart flip flopping love. Because he suddenly looks like a little boy {quite alot like a few little boys I am pretty close to}. He absolutely adores being out in the yard engaged in a bunch of different projects. -And we do have plenty to keep that little boy busy for just as long as he fancies.

I look at the grass that is turning more and more green each day {thankfulness} and it screams of redemption, beauty, all things becoming new and thriving and right again.

And that is where I am at. No big theological moments of clarity ready to pour out on the blog on this the most sacred and wonderful of holidays. No eloquence, weaving scripture and new discoveries. It's there; the Scripture pieces speaking to me, the light bulb moments. But mostly this year, this day, this Easter weekend - it's in the subtle every day.

We built things with blocks this morning. They wanted to me ohhh and ahhh over their creations. They wanted me to take pictures. They wanted to know they were good and admired and treasured. 

And these moments are when I hear it: "You are good {only because I have made you good} and you are treasured, and you are redeemed. Why would I have traded my life for every bad thing you ever thought/planned/carried out if I didn't love you infinitely?"

See, it's quiet, but it's powerful and it is a part of the seconds that tick through my day.

Doing laundry.

Washing clean...

Kissing boo-boos.

Making it all better...

Looking forward to egg decorating and hunts filled with discovery.

Look forward with great anticipation... discover me...

Going to a wedding shower.

You are the bride of Christ. Don't ever lose that glow...

Drawing me closer.

My heart feels dancy and light.

Being a part of this plan of redemption feels really big and wonderful.

As we participate in church services and reflect on the importance of the cross this weekend I feel wooed by the One we are celebrating. Like He is inviting me to see the bigger picture and cooperate with him in something really worth while.

eclectic

I've been thinking lately what an odd combination of all things eclectic I am. Random some may say *wink*.


I like organization

My basement looks like a train wreck with a tornado on the side

My nose and ears are pierced

I'm not what one could really describe as an adventurer and am not a huge fan of pain

I dabble in alot of different creative outlets

I don't necessarily stand out in any one thing

I never went to college

I'm all about life long learning

I love a vintagey look to fashion

I wear alot of modern styles

I work at a crisis pregnancy center and am completely life-begins-at-conception-pro-life

I nearly get physically ill when I hear about so-called pro life enthusiasts who use aggressive tactics to get their point across

I like digging in the dirt, experiencing nature, being barefoot, a feeling of old fashioned goodness and fun

I adore wearing heels and learning new things in the world of technology

I am a planner; a list maker

I am highly creative and can appreciate spontaneity


Fortunately my husband had a pretty good idea when he married me that day in and day out he would have to wait and see what facet of his wife's personality he would be subject to.

Ahhhh - now HE is the adventurous one, no?!

I was far more traditional when we were married 10 years ago then I am now. Far more.

I think though that the traditional, conservative, cautious woman that Dave married in 2001 was that way because she thought she had to be. It was just expected. Right? Some of those qualities are hard wired into the heart beat of who God created me to be. Some have fallen by the wayside in a freeing resolve.

At the core of who I am I foster a grounded belief that I am a redeemed individual. That God has a high calling on my life to be his love in a very tangible form. I believe that He is the Son of God and that there will be a magnificent day when he makes all things right again. I live for that day. I have a deep desire to strengthen my boldness and tell any one who will listen that they too have been made free from self, and sin, and death.

Those are the significant things. Those are the unchangeables.

Speaking of my Daivd {and all that he puts up with...}, he is a rock star. His non-perfect work-in-progress self is an amazing counterpart to the inadequate, flawed  human flesh that is me. Tuesday was a l o n g day here. It was a tangled, conglomeration of sleep deprivation, sickness, decisions, running around, and desperation. Let me just pause and say all is well now. It was really just a very hard 24 hours. Fortunately things turned around quite quickly! But where was I? Oh - the man. The rock star. Yes, he senses when I am running on empty and bordering on frantic. Either that or the 10,000 times I call him at work tips him off to that fact. One of those.

So, he got home Tuesday afternoon and ran my bath for me. I had so much that still needed to be done, but I never would have slowed down if he didn't make me. He knew that. He knew that if he hadn't started the bath, poured the glass of wine, and blocked the path to anywhere but our room, I would work myself into a frenzy. Frenzied Wendi is apparently not that fun to be around. Apparently. Who knew?

I'm so lucky. He's truly gifted and tender and wonderful. Perhaps I am biased, but I believe I am one of many who would whole heartedly agree.

Speaking of Easter baskets {I was in my head. Sorry if I lost you} I got one from my secret sister in the mom's group I lead at church. I was giddy. Like a 9 year old. Because I think I was 9 the last time I got an Easter basket all for me. Silly, I know, but so fun to dig through the course green strips of plastic grass and discover.

This was in there.

And so was this:

Hello. Yes please.

Today I wore a soft white tunic with smocking on the top paired with leggings and {the} brown boots. I really liked it. I've had this conversation with friends often, "Hey - how long do you think I will get away with wearing clothes from the juniors section?" Most of them know this is just me. The fit is better and the style is who I am. So they are gracious and say "as long as you want to my eclectic friend". But really? I'm 30. When do Clinton and Stacy run at you and tell you that you need to pick out more mature outfits?? I've tried shopping in the "misses" section, really I have. I can't do it. Just stop me if someday my boys are complaining that their mom is totally embarrassing them. Then I will consider trading in my leggings for elastic waist slacks and my shrugs for sweatshirts with cardinals on them. {I can't, I can't, I can't!!}.

Our photography website is almost up and running! It makes everything feel a little bit more "real". Like this is really happening. It's hard to explain what it means to me. Exploring a dream is always awe inspiring to me. We are getting a great response and I think we will be busy this spring and summer!

I need to go start  the crust for tonight's pizza. With my multifarious personality who knows what kinds of toppings we will throw on it...

Calling out the fear, opening the surrender

I realized this past week that a thread of fear, which I have been denying at best, that has bound a part of my heart is more than a thread and can not be ignored if my parenting is to be what it should.

I shudder to even press the letters, form the words of conceding, that yes - I harbor this trepidation.  

It happened Saturday when the baby went to the edge of a landing that leads to our basement stairs. We moved a freezer to clean it - and this rearrangement revealed a drop off that usually isn't an option for little ones to even be near.

It happened again this morning when I was getting the older ones into car seats in our Monday morning rush to get to school. Kai was right behind me, and then he was walking the other way. The way that eventually leads to the road. He was still a long ways off from the danger, but he didn't come when I called him and I dropped my coffee mug, my purse, the backpacks and ran to him.

In my breath, in my pulse, in my head, in my heart... it reverberates with dread.

"Will He ask me to give up another one of my children? Would He go there? Is there a test? Will I pass? What am I holding on to? What do I need to let go of? I've done it before. could I do it again? "

I am mom to four boys here on earth. Panicking when one of them jumps too fast, climbs too high, heads the wrong way, throws too hard, and runs with speed? -Well that is plain and simple ridiculous. 

Parenting smartly, using common sense and teaching our boys to be safe and alert is one thing. It is important to us. What I am experiencing is something else altogether.


The way I reacted in each situation which tripped the fear button within me was not okay. It wasn't the normal concerned mommy type fear. It was relentless. Shaking, terrifying mental images, personal assaults. Not okay.

Honestly I don't know what all is happening in my heart, but in one very general word, I will say alot.

He's doing alot and he is preparing me for more. Wonderful, terrifying, losing myself, gaining much, stripping away.... I think all of the above.

In both aforementioned situations of fear and potential danger, the risk of something actually happening was minimal. I was very near and able to use these situations to teach a very curious little one how important it is to listen. He's just in that stage. They were all there at one time or another.

The deeper issue is the fear. And the surrender. The beauty in knowing that no matter what this life can throw at me I am completely cared for by the all powerful God. I think that he is calling me to a greater sense of who He is. And I think he is using my greatest passions and deepest insecurities to teach this to me.


I've read over the story of Abraham and Isaac again. It's not that I literally feel like I need to give my children up. But a willingness to leave them completely and forever in His hands? Yes.

I'm a control freak. I like to be able to regulate a situation well. Lately I feel the cold hands of fear are reaching deeper and deeper. And they are stifling surrender.

For me, there is great power in words. It is so helpful for me to use words to release fear, so that is what I am doing.

"For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self discipline."
2 Timothy 1:7

So what is it that you will ask of me God? What do I need to lay at your feet? What parts of me are hindering closeness with you? Will you provide a lamb in a thicket, or are you the lamb? Already my comfort, already my replacement, already my way out. My way out of fear, my way out of pride, my way out of that "need" for control.

You have not given me this spirit of fear. May it be so.

1.5

A year and a half ago *gasp* someone incredibly special came into my life and changed it for the better.

As long as I live, I will never forget that silky dark hair, those deep blue eyes, and the way his little fists were all curled up the moment I met him.

The first thing I noticed about him was his hair - how could I not? It was this thick, dark, lovely surprise to us.

I already loved him, that was a given. I do that you know. I see two lines on a stick - and my heart loves so, so deeply.

But that day I was once again delighted with the new and the different. One may think that after multiple children -and certainly if they are all the same gender - that it would just be more of the same

No, a thousand times no. There are indeed similarities, and it is fun to see them in each of our boys! But this love, this evolving, increasing, overwhelming love, is so unique for each one of them.

Baby Kai moved from my emotional world into my physical world and my life has not been the same.

I want to treasure you at each stage.

I don't want to forget.

Right now you hide and you climb and you giggle.

You have this sparkle in your eye that speaks of all things mischievous, and sometimes it makes you look older than you are.

Your hair, although still very thick, is not so dark anymore. And your eyes not so blue. I do believe that they are transitioning form daddy's eyes to mommy's eyes - which is quite fascinating!

You think you are at least as old as your brothers, if not older. You try to copy every single thing they do! I am trying to teach them all what a big responsibility they have in regards to you and what they are teaching you...

You get angry and you throw yourself to the floor in intense indignation!

You think daddy hung the moon. That happy dance you do when he gets home from work? -Priceless. Oh yes, this is most definitely one of the things I never ever want to forget!
The "DA-DAAAAA!!!!!" giggle giggle, spin spin, circle circle, run, spin "Dad-dad-dad-dad-dad!"

My favorite right now is how you say "shoes", "juice", and "Cheese" with only the slightest variation of the same word; "Shzewwshz". I don't think my spelling is doing it justice, but it never gets old to me!

My big-ish baby boy, you make my days brighter;  more full of life, and yes, oh so challenging.

I wouldn't trade a minute of the past 18 months with you.

Not the full year of sleepless nights,

not the reflux and spitting up on...everything,

not the chaos, or the dependence, or the times I thought that I had lost my mind when I thought I could handle 4 littles....

No, none of it. I love you, and I love your brothers, and I love this life.

Each day with you is a blessing! Happy 18 months.

A story

Once upon a time there was a rather noisy bunch who found themselves with a Saturday that had little to no plans hindering it.

This was not common place for them. So they were happy.

After a delicious and leisurely breakfast, the lone female of the family went on a luxury shopping spree to replenish a few wardrobes. This particular upscale shop was called Ye Garage sale and made for a wonderfully fun morning.

The littlest people of the family were bursting at the seams to go to a park and only asked about this possibility roughly 357 times. Since the weather was finally letting up a bit, and realizing that spring had indeed arrived a couple of weeks ago, the decision makers did comply to this heavily suggested activity.

A light breeze was blowing, the birds were singing, the six people, who really enjoy one another's company, were happily playing, when the first little bit o' chaos struck.

Or rather, the littlest boy was struck...

The littlest decided that it would be very fun to push the biggest in his very large swing. The very large swing does not only swing forward though. What swings forward must swing back and when it swings back it does not look for little ones, who think they are big ones. They all heard a *bang* *splat*... and that was that. The baby was on the ground. The nose was bleeding profusely. The mama's white jacket (really mama? why?) immediately had a new red decor.

The daddy grabbed the baby and went in search of a tissue, the other littles were herded to the van. In a chorus of  "why" and "no" and "we don't want to go!" they were finally all buckled and tight. The mama was concerned, the daddy made some comments, the mama felt bad and reacted in a huff.

Then they all went home.

Laundry was started, feelings were smoothed. The nose was no worse for the wear.

The lone female was soon to be joined by three other ones for a fun evening of creative photography.

She got another one of her eccentric unique ideas and began to tear into a large picture and frame. She had to have that frame and in process of going after this unconventional photo prop - she sliced her finger on the glass.

It flapped and it bled and she tired to ignore it. The middle one saw and he went to get dad. Dad said, no - you mustn't neglect. Call the girls and go get stitched!

Fatigue was setting in at this time in the day, but she called, and she left and she prayed.

A stitch wasn't needed, but much blood was lost. They taped her together and she hurried back home.

Some minutes of sunlight were left in that day. She still got to experiment with photos at sunset. -That made her smile. She even got to use the frame. And she may have even been heard to say, "It was worth it!"

Her camera malfunctioned and the Mr. tore it apart. Small pieces of her treasure were all scattered on the kitchen table. She tried not to let on how her heart felt a bit squeezed.

The littlest ones were tucked in their nests and eyes were heavy for all.

Success finally reigned in the mock camera shop and none was more glad than she.

The last light went out, they shook their heads, and had to just smile and nod.

For this was their life, and a typical day, as they raised boys, pursued dreams, did life, and served God.

They lived chaotically, loudly, tearfully, abundantly, and happily ever after.

The End

Anyone can do a photo wall - details

The amounts of emails, facebook messages, and blog comments  that I have received about the photo wall now warrant a second blog post about it. -Or maybe I just wasn't ready to be done with it because I love it so much. One of those reasons.

First I will address some of the questions I received - 

What size are the pictures you used in your photo wall?

I used 11x14 pictures. I have seen this done with larger photos and love it! I stuck with 11x14 though because I was a little bit unsure of how it would all turn out, and I was looking at price for the prints and frames.

Where did you get your frames?

I ordered the frames on line from Quadro frames. I just did a Google search and Quadro frames seemed to be the most reasonably prices for what I was looking for. These are clip frames, which means it is basically just glass that is clipped to the back panel. This particular company sells the 11x14 frames only in sets of 6. A set of 6 was $19.74, plus shipping. Even with shipping though, they averaged out at $5 per frame. Good!
 -Which brings me to our next question.

How much did this photo wall cost, total?

I spent around $70 total for this project. I thought that was pretty decent. I got the prints made at our local Sam's Club. They were $2.78 apiece.


How did you choose which pictures to use?


It took me quite a while, perusing through folders on my computer, considering different combination and narrowing it down. My advice on this would be: do not be a perfectionist and go for the best photos from a technically photographic stand point. Look for memories. Look for meaningful. Look for images that evoke emotion. Look for color, and feeling, and family.

That said, you will have to find pictures that are in good focus, since you will be enlarging them and details will show up more.

Once I had a pretty good idea of the photos I would use, I went into photo shop and played with the lay out. I started with a blank canvas and placed the photos in rows to get a visual on how it would look. I changed it obsessively and my children ate leftovers for three days while I tried to figure it all out a few times and then felt pretty comfortable with how it looked.

My photo wall is random. I'm going to own that. :) Yes, I mixed black and white, sepia and color.

I choose things that represent "us". Part of that included images of each of us - that's the obvious part. Even in that though, I tried to go with photos of each member of our family that were non-traditional and non-posed. Jay's photo is the only one that is head on. In Kai's you can't even see his face. I like it.

In addition to each of us I choose items that may seem eccentric. An old water pump? A hot air balloon? cowboy boots? Steeple? Yes, yes, yes, and yes. :)

I've always been drawn to the photo I took of that red water pump. It's old, has some rust on it, but a few years ago we painted it a deep red. To me, it represents a really big blessing in our lives; our home.

Our two story brick farmhouse on 135 acres, and handful of outbuildings is a project. Like the pump, it's old and has needed/still needs much TLC. But we have invested so much of "us" into this place. This wonderful homestead belonged to Dave's grandparents, and a part of it is our inheritance from them.

The cowboy boots might be kind of obvious; we have lots of boys. I remember when we got those boots from some friends. Jay was beside himself with the excitement that he now was a real cowboy. He wore them everywhere. The image of them represents boyhood to me. The boyhood that God has blessed us with multiple times!

The hot air balloon says summer and family togetherness. to me. Every single year our family goes to a local festival type event called the Hot Air Jubilee. We watch mass balloon launches, eat greasy food, watch air shows, sometimes ride an elephant, walk around alot, and people watch. This is us. We like free fun, but mostly we like to be together outside in the summer. Good, good memories.

The steeple and cross obviously represent our faith. It stands regally on top of a building made for worship and it points upward. I want our family to point upward.

So, now go do it!! Pick your pictures, make your prints, find some wall space.

If anyone has any more questions, or would like any help with editing photos, enlarging, etc I would love to help out!

Mostly, just focus on what makes you recognize how blessed you are! That's how my photo wall has affected me. Having these images right there - big, bold, large, unmissable - helps me on days when I can't see past a difficult moment to the richness in my life.

And the highchair makes her cry too

We are probably putting our highchair away this weekend - and I am dying a little bit inside. You know how it is. I've talked about it before. The changes.

The good

and bad

and life

and adjusting.

He'll sit in a booster for awhile, and then it won't be long until he is insisting on just a "big boy chair". I know because I've lived it 3 times.

Other than special needs parenting, which may require it long term, we are seeing a light at the end of the you-are-now-an-expert-at-diaper-changing stage of life. Really? A light. I once brought the very existence of this light under question. But now this tunnel of dependence and exhaustion and what-I-wouldn't-give-for-just-five-ever-lovin'-seconds-to-my-ever-tired-self; it has a light at the end of it.

And yes, I am aware that other tunnels await. Crazy ones that are way out of my league. But right now I am here and now and we are putting the highchair away.

I look at my belly, which once was habitat for some beautiful little people. Streaks on the sides are faint and faded. I trace them and am flooded with memories of what they represent to me. Beauty. I don't mind that they will likely always be there. I don't mind one bit.

The highchair has some permanent marks too. They all used it. It looks a little bit tired, but still sturdy.

There are some pockets of time and some creative freedom that I see slowly unfolding before me. New. Exhilarating. Not diaper changing. It's stretching my mind and my heart - kind of like they stretched my body. I wonder if the new experiences will leave a mark.

I'm ready to sprint ahead. Make the new memories, embrace the foreign tunnels. Watch for the lights that illuminate the end of those.

And yet I stand here motionless for just a moment. And then I slowly trace the lines on the highchair. I can smile and I can even be glad for all that is to come,  but it doesn't mean I can't get misty eyed over an eight year old piece of plastic and cotton.

A little peak

I've been busy - and life has been good.

I just wanted to give you a sweet little sneak peak of the 1 year photo shoot we did this morning. Oh my - was it ever fun!! I love this.

 

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