Going green (ish)

Today - I start recycling.

I know, I know - I should have already been doing this.

Really, I do know that. And I have known it for some time now. I do care about taking care of what God has given us. You just have to believe me here.

I have just had so much in my brain, on my plate, and on my calendar for the past several years that I couldn't crunch one more thing in. So, for the sake of convenience, space, and time - I threw everything away.

Well, today is the day folks! We have this little porch area leading out of our kitchen to our basement stairs that I am going to clean out and use as my recycling area. It started out a little area for our large freezer, then we added coffee grinder and file cabinet. We are in process of dry-walling this porch.

Well, it has become a problem area. A big problem. Why? You might ask.

Here, see for yourself:

Dave's tools.

Clothes that I need to bring to the Good Will.

Boxes that need to be burned (Ohhh... or maybe recycled?)

And lots of asian beetles on the window... (can I recycle them???)

 

Oh look! A freezer.

...And a tow strap.

And more clothes for the Good Will.

And some Carharts.

And, do I see some windshield washer fluid in there??

Oh dear...

 

Okay, okay - enough with the pictures.  You get the idea...

This week, this is my project. 

Not only will it be cleaned out and organized with bins for recycling, but I want it to be cute.

Oh boy.

Wish me luck.

Five is grown, but six is even more grown

We are connected with this invisible link. 

It's no longer flesh and nourishment, as it once was, but you are mine and I am yours and nothing can ever change that.

Your eyes sparkle and mine reflect.

I watch you from a distance when I want to hover close.

It's called being a mom and it is hard.

Five is pretty grown up - but six is even more grown up. I know that because you told me. You are good at tellin' me stuff.

I try not to get weepy and mommy-weird, because you deserve cheering on and crawling on the floor being a storm trooper to save Mr. gorilla from the four legged walkers (what?). So that is what I do instead.

But when you aren't looking I flip through pictures of you as a screaming infant and the images blur because I am a mom and I can't help the moisture in my eyes.

"Princess Leia?" You ask expectantly. 

At first it goes in one ear and out the other, but when it gets more insistent and I see that your eyes are on me I hide my grin and answer to this pseudonym which has been given to me in high honor.

So I am she and you are... some form of strange animal/person, and we are out to save the world, one stuffed animal at a time.

There is so much that I want to say about who you are right now. There is so much that I hope never changes and much that I expect to adjust, grow, and flourish.

But I do hope that you will always know, and remember deep down in the reserves of your heart that are saved for truth and only truth, that I am yours and you are mine and nothing could ever change that.

On Saturday you will be six and I will delight in everything that your little life has taught mine.

Sometimes I chuckle that you are God's gift of beauty and pure challenge to me.

How have you known how to push my buttons since the day you were born? How do you do that?

How does your grin make everything right in my world of topsy turvy? I mean really, how do you do that?

Sweetness and grit. Some of the toughest stuff I have come up against. That's you my Jay.

Forever.

You are mine and I am yours and nothing will ever change that.

Thinking...

I'm thinking about family... and how much more meaningful that unit of love and security seems after an important part of it is gone.

Taken at my Grandma's funeral Saturday (thanks Stacey!)
(And yes, mommy only packed snow boots for Noe... quite dashing don't ya think??)

I'm thinking about what a blessing it was for us to have two bonus days in Iowa after my Grandma's funeral. We were planning on coming home Sunday - but the weather didn't get the memo on that. We held off until Tuesday. It was a wise choice - and it provided us with some extra time with dear ones who we do not get to hang out with very often.

I'm thinking about all of the changes that have occurred in the past couple of weeks.

I'm thinking about that squeezy heart feeling that comes over me when I look at  my Jay and consider the 2 days of being 5 that he has left.

I'm thinking about ear infections, sore throats, and the stomach flu that seems to be chasing us everywhere we go this winter. - And thanking God for the reprieves we have had in between.

I'm thinking about tax refunds and wise financial decisions. Needs vs. wants.

I'm thinking about finishing the unpacking, cleaning process that I started last night.I wish thinking accomplished more.

I'm thinking about everything I need to do, want to do, wish I had time/energy/knowledge to do. And then sighing a little sigh and telling my (non-perfect) self to be content in this moment. To be present with my (non-perfect) boys, in my (non-perfect) house.

I'm thinking about how God knows the number of our days before we are even born. And how my Grandma would have been 90 years old today. 90.

I'm thinking about how hard it is to get back on schedule when you had a schedule, and then rescheduled, and then changed your schedule, have been out of state, aren't 100% sure what day it is, had to make a couple of doctor appointments and just hope you aren't forgetting anything incredibly important.

I'm so glad I went...

This morning my Grandma went to be with Jesus.

How could I ever begin to elaborate on this huge chapter that just closed in my life? I just can't right now.


She was incredible. She was just an incredible lady.

In the absence of words, which really just fail me right now, I am going to republish the post I wrote from the last time I saw her.


Imagine how often I am saying... {I'm glad I went, I am so glad I went}



"Iowa vacation highlights part 2 - where my Grandma calls my child frisky and my husband lovely"  (Originally posted on July 13th, 2010)


I have mentioned my grandma on the blog before. I have shared how disheartening it is to watch some one you love and remember as being sharp, spunky,  and independent begin to fail in memory as well as physical and overall mental capacities.

My grandma lives in Iowa. I only see her a couple of times each year.

And I have to admit something.

I almost didn't go to see her.

I almost let my uncertainty of what to say and how to deal with the certainty of not being recognized by her convince me that it didn't matter. She wouldn't know me any way - so it wouldn't matter.

But my heart, of course, was screaming at me that it mattered in ways I couldn't even comprehend.

So we went.

I asked my mom and aunt to go with me. I knew they visited more often and there was a chance she would know them. I tried to set my expectations realistically.

She was in her wheelchair in the garden area of the nursing facility that is now her home.


Her words didn't make alot of sense at first, but her eyes brightened noticeably. She tried to choose the words she wanted and it was obvious that she couldn't find them. Sometimes I grasped what she meant, sometimes I could not.

The boys were running around, talking, and playing - unbridled energy.

She made many hand motions and I understood her words to indicate that there were so MANY boys!

Yes, I know!! :)

And then she looked me in the eye and the words came out perfectly: 

"And is it true that you had to give one back?" 

Her sympathy could not be missed - but her meaning was at first.

I laughed and thought - well here we go again , words are just failing her, but that's okay.

Then I saw something in the way she was looking at me and I did a double take.

I did have to give one back.

I think she knows. 

And then she turned to K and smiled at him. Once again her words came more clearly than the other times she spoke. "And look at you. I used to feel sorry for you, but now you are just as frisky as your brothers!"

Frisky - she said frisky and I loved it!

I think she knew us and I think there are days when alot more goes on in her mind than I thought.

I also think that we would have missed out on a whole lot if I had allowed my hesitancy to rule my heart.

I don't know how many visits with her are left. 

-But I won't forget this one.

Oh - and another favorite moment with Grandma - 

We were getting ready to leave and she again was making motions and trying to indicate that there were alot of boys.

Mmm-hmm...

And she looked up at me and said "Oh honey - do you have help? -Does anyone come in to help you with all of this" - frantic  hand motion toward the plethora of boys running circles around us.

Loved it. I just smiled and motioned towards Dave. "He does. He's my help." :)

She looked at him and stared for a while and then said "Ohhh, what a lovely man!"

I think she is quite bright really.

Marjorie Marie 

2-23-1921 - 2-15-2011

I love you Grandma

where love is at

Webster's defines it this way:  

to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for

Love.


Today is pretty much the day that love finds itself written about, verbalized, and thought of in varying connotations.


There have been some Valentine's Days in my life when I have had expectations of flowers, maybe a card - sugary delights in one form or another.

I have wanted time with my husband in quantities that he may or may not have been able to conveniently give.



When I think about that definition 

...and those expectations
  
...and the marketing of all things fluffy and romanticized around me


it all just seems... shallow.



Don't misunderstand. Cards? YES! A favorite for sure.


Candy, 
    cuddling, 
       flowers, 
          sweetness, 
              pink, 
                 red, 
                    hearts, 
                      pretties, 
                         kisses,
                           hugs, 
                              sweet nothings?


Check "yes please" on all. Multiple times. 

And yet...

Perhaps it's the stage of life we find ourselves in.


Perhaps the necessity of facing end of life issues.


Perhaps just another step in the journey that God is guiding me through.


But this Valentine's Day I am seeing a completely different definition of all things LOVE.

What is it?

It  is  

Patient...    like calmly waiting on God's timing. Not forcing some one else to be something they aren't. Not trying to rush a process that only God can orchestrate. Patient.


Kind...    such a simple word, but with remarkable meaning. We talk about how important it is to be kind to others. We teach our kids to be kind to teachers, other kids, people in authority. Great, really. But do we practice this in our own homes, with our own spouses, in every day life? Those mundane moments when we are tired, hungry, overwhelmed, maybe even hormonal and grumpy? Kind.

It is not

Jealous...  like wondering what our spouse is thinking as that beautiful woman walks by. We know that God created beauty - and beauty can be appreciated, and LOVE says "I am secure in who God made me to be and I am secure in our love".  Love also is not jealous of their time. Love says, "Do you have an opportunity to love? To give? To bless some one or something other than me? Than do it! Do it with JOY and do it with my blessing and whole hearted support!" (Can I just say, these two things are so hard for me? This part of defining love always gets me...)

Boastful...  love doesn't look for all of the possible ways to make yourself look good. Quite the opposite.


Rude... snarky remarks, "teasing"... tearing down. Love isn't that. It's not even close to that.

It does not

Demand its own way...  haughty, coercing, manipulating - demanding. When we do these things, we are not loving.

Keep a record of being wronged...   no matter what. That means we don't throw it into their face every time we think they need to be knocked down a notch or two. "Well, you did this - therefore, I am entitled to that...  No. No record of wrongs.


It never gives up... like never ever. It can't. Because it is God and God is it, and God has placed THIS LOVE in our hearts.


Never loses faith, is always HOPEFUL, and endures through every circumstance.

Every circumstance! Do you get that? It's not fluffy and romanticized. 

It is real, tough, resilient, unyielding. 

You know that Crowder song -  "How He Loves?" To me that song paints one of the mot brilliant picture of this unyielding, true love. Imagine:

"Loves like a hurricane, I am the tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy"


We can unleash love that strong!


It is "I will love you even though I don't like you right now"


It is "I will lay down my ideas/rights/expectations for you"


It is holding one another through the valley of the shadow


It is lifting a glass of water to their lips in sickness

It is taking care of more than your usual share of responsibilities so that they can get rest 




Tonight, on Valentines Day, I won't be seeing my sweetie until 11:00. I will likely be completely out (nearly comatose) - asleep after a long day, and he will be even more exhausted.


And truly, it is one of the most loving Valentines Days in my life to date.


Because he is out there working 8 hours to provide for our family. Out of love. And I finally get that.

And then he will be studying, picking boys up, settling them at home with his mom, and then going to classes, while I volunteer. All for us. All from love.


And Webster - well, he kind of got it right. Love is profoundly tender. It can result in passion - for sure. It is affectionate in nature.


But I'm standing on the true definition. The definitions that daily challenge me. Stare me in the eye and show me how weak I am - but how dignified and strong I can be if I follow that love. 

Right now, today, love is hearing about my family, 500 miles away from me, each taking turns to stand vigil by my grandma in her last days.


Exhausted, busy, sad, at times frustrated,


But still spoon feeding, patting, cleaning, speaking softly to an almost 90 year old woman who has spent hours loving each of us.


That's where it is at. 

Today, for me, love is in a small hospice room, 

behind a mop, 

and in a class room.

Snapshots of 30

My birthday was such a special day!

I wasn't really sure how to put it all into words - but this collage does a decent job portraying the day.

The generosity,

The laughs (you know the kind - where you can't stop and feel all out of breath) lots and lots of laughs!

Unforgettable moments (I think there are at least 3 people who whole heartedly agree...)

The food

The love

Yes, it was simply wonderful!

I feel so blessed to have the sweetest people to share my life with!

And the winner is...

I just chose the winner for the $5 Starbucks gift card and the book, "For Women Only".

Using Random.org, integer generator, commenter number 14 was chosen.

And... commenter #14 was - The Sneaky Mommy!

I think you are going to LOVE this book Londa!!

Thanks to all for entering. It was very fun. :)

Valentines

I'm kind of freaking out over how cute these are.

And no one is here, over the age of 4, to do a happy dance with me.

Not that doing happy dances with one and four year olds is not good enough - it is quite fun, but I really wanted to share the adorableness.

So, do a happy dance with me??

Thanks.

Idea stolen from Inspiration received from Lindsay 

And if you haven't read my previous post - go do it and enter to win a book and some coffee!

It's not a birthday with out gifts...

So guess who is about to enter the excitement that is "the 30's"?

Yep - on Friday I will be waving bye-bye to my twenties.


Wow were my twenties a ride.


Got married one month after I turned twenty.

Had my first children one month before I turned twenty-two.

I've pretty much had my heart won over,

shattered,

pieced back together,

and rebuilt

in my twenties.


Not a decade that I could ever take lightly or forget.


Is it weird that I am excited about turning thirty?

I don't know, it's just neat for me to look back,

see this scared,

wounded,

 insecure girl

and the chasm there is now between who I was, and who, by God's grace, I am now.


And really, what's a birthday without gifts, right?

I'm going to be giving away a $5 Starbucks gift card and a really great book!

The book is called "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn.

Let me tell you - this book has really changed the way I view men, and has greatly helped the way I relate to my husband! Whether you are married or single, this is a wonderful book in giving insight into the guys God has put into our lives.

It isn't just a woman writing her opinion on the subject. Shaunti conducted a national survey - interviewing thousands of men, helping us to support and love them the way they wish we knew how to.

I have to admit, I resisted reading this book for a couple of years. A man's mind can be a scary thing. :) Really, it can be, but I am so glad that I finally read this eye opening book!

I will be giving one copy of this book away, along with the gift card, to a randomly chosen commenter from this post.

Simply leave a comment and you will be entered to win!

This give away will be open until Saturday evening. I was going to close it on the actual day I turn 30 - but that day is far too packed full with all of the fun that entering a new decade can entail.

The dearest friends,

the most delicious food,

The dress,

The man,

A night without kids.

Yep, the winner choosing will just have to wait. :)

And no, I am not being paid for this at all. It's simply a book that has proven very beneficial to my marriage and I highly recommend it.

And you all know how I feel about coffee. -Just a few of my favorite things.

(Domestications)

Here's the fun we are having around the home.

Home made cleaning products:

A friend of mine kindly demonstrated some of her favorite home made cleaning products for our Mom2mom group last month.

I may be hooked.

"Why would you make your own cleaning products?" - You may be asking. Or maybe you aren't. But either way - let me tell you!

1. Cost. Phenomenally cheaper!

2. Environment. Am I all into being green and stuff? Um, really not as much as I need to be. But even one such as I, who just threw all of the empty cans for the huge crock pot of super bowl chili away into my trash can (sorry, sorry, sorry!), can recognize that this is good. Chemical free.

3. This one is pretty simple. They work. Yay!

4. Oh - we can't forget - Satisfaction! *Smile*


Okay - here are the ones I love (Oh - and don't let the ingredients scare you - I found washing soda, borax, and Fels Naptha in the cleaning aisle in our store):


Laundry detergent
1 bar Fels Naptha - grated
1/2 C Borax
1/2 C Arm and Hammer WASHING Soda

Directions:
If you have a food processor, you can shave the bar soap in about 15 seconds. Add all the ingredients together in a 16 oz. container. Shake well and use 1 Tablespoon per load. Use extra for super soiled clothes or extra hard water.

Breaks down to $0.07 per load!!


Glass cleaner
3 TBSP Rubbing Alcohol
1 TBSP vinegar
Purified water

Directions: 
Pour first two ingredients into a 16 oz bottle and fill the rest of the way with water. Shake and spray.

Breaks down to $0.17 per bottle!!


Disinfectant
2 TBSP Borax
4 TBSP Vinegar
3 Cups Hot Water

Directions:
Pour first two ingredients into a small bowl. Take a spoon and make sure that the borax is smooth. Add to spray bottle then add the hot water. Mix well.


Breaks down to $0.09 per bottle!


All Purpose cleaner
1/4 C Vinegar
1/4 C Baking Soda or 2 tsp Borax
(few droops) Dish Detergent 
Purified Water


Directions:
Pour first two ingredients into small bowl. Take a spoon and make sure that the borax or baking soda is smooth. Add to 16 oz spray bottle. Add a few drops of dish detergent then fill up the rest of the way with water. Shake until dissolved. 

Breaks down to $0.19 per bottle


Baby wipes
 1 Roll of Bounty paper towels
2 TBSP Baby Oil
2 TBSP Baby Shampoo
1 good squeeze Baby Lotion
2 C Purified Water
(optional)
Few drops Essential Oils
2 TBSP Aloe Vera Gel
3 Vitamin E capsules - prick with needle and squeeze out 

Directions:
Bring 2 C water to a boil in pot. Add oil, shampoo, and lotion (+ Aloe Vera if preferred). Stir until fully dissolved. Turn off heat. Cut the paper towel roll in half with bread knife. Place halved roll into 4 Qt. round plastic container with lid (Folgers coffee ones work best or Ziploc storage square container). Pour soapy mixture over roll. Place lid on and wait about 5 minutes. Flip container over and wait another 5 minutes. Pour out excess liquid and remove cardboard tube from center of roll. pull wipes from center. 


Breaks down to $0.01 per wipe!!
*******************************************************

To be honest, I have always been a bit of a Huggies snob when it comes to wipes. They are so nice and thick. That helps when you are dealing with a really yuck-o diaper. So, I still have Huggies wipes on hand for those really bad diapers. BUT - I have these on hand too, and it ends up helping me go through the other wipes half as fast. The home made ones DO clean well and they smell really good. 

Home decor:


Shamelessly stole this idea from my friend Hayley. When we visited them last summer I absolutely fell in love with her amazing, warm, classy, and homey decorating skills! I loved the white lights she had, accenting particular areas of their home! Her recent blog posts on "white light love" influenced me to try it too. 

They make me insanely happy.

Crafting fun:


The Valentine's Day crafting has begun. Not like I always do Valentine's Day crafting - or that I will do more, but hey, it sounded good anyway. ;)


Today me and the boys made a humongo mess had tons of fun with glue, construction paper, markers, ribbon, and tape.


Let me introduce you to ~ The Love Boat...

 Such fun! Now they are making cards and sticking them in the back - where we put a little slot for such things. Thank you very much Family Fun Magazine!! 

Treasures of learning kindness

Yesterday was our supposedly "epic" snowstorm. Although the weather itself didn't actually live up to the media hype, we did get dumped on with a decent amount of snow. Possibly the most we have gotten in a 12 hour period this winter.

All area schools were closed.

I had some crazy excited boys on my hands. They were nearly bouncing off the walls.

Which is cool for a couple of hours.

Then it requires some quick and creative thinking to reign it all in.

I decided around mid morning to bake cookies with them.

They loved that idea!

We got messy.

We had fun.

We ate alot of cookie dough.


My sweet lil' Jay came to me, all breathless and bright eyed,

"Mom! The snow plow drivers are working so hard and doing such a good job. Can we please give them some fresh, warm cookies??"

Oh man... that kid. I love that he is beginning to look at things through a heart of kindness. Wanting to give more and more.

This has been a journey with him.

One that has been prayed about and nurtured.

And to see his enthusiasm with this idea was dear to this mama.

The bad news.... short of standing in the road and risking serious injury, I had no idea how we could possibly get cookies to the snow plow drivers who were working so hard to clear our roads.

So we talked about it and decided that we could probably write a thank you note and send it, or drop it off, to the county office some time soon.

But, I mentioned to Jay that our mail carrier had no choice but to be out on the roads yesterday as well. There was alot of snow, and many houses did not have good access to their mailboxes. I explained to Jay that regardless of this, the mail delivery people had to deliver the mail. No matter what.

So we put three warm cookies on a blue plate, festively - and oh-so-appropriately, adorned with blue and white snowflakes.

Jay assisted me in lovingly wrapping the cookie plate with plastic.

We attached a note that simply read: "To our mail carrier, Thanks for all that you do! Enjoy the cookies."

We trudged through knee deep snow and stuck our gift into the mailbox.

Jay kept asking me about it.

"Do you think she came yet?"

"Are they still out there?"

"Will she love them?"

Love his heart!

It was several hours later than the usual mail delivery time when I finally noticed car tracks leading up to and away from our mail box.

I told Jay that she had been there and he smiled.


Today I went out to get our mail and found this:

I am about to leave the house to pick up Jay, and I can.not.wait to show the note to him!

It was so sweet to find this in the mailbox today, but what I love the most is how this is going to significantly reinforce, to a certain 5 year old, how good it feels to think of others and be kind!

*Update*

Wishing you all could have seen his huge grin! He was ecstatic and already making plans for his next act of kindness.

A roundabout way

I may have misspoken when I said I didn't make any New Year's resolutions this year.

I have made some "goals". They are small and personal, and I never really thought of them as resolutions... but goals you make at the beginning of the year? - Yeah, same thing different word usage.

One of my goals is to consume the same amount (or more) of water as I do of coffee each day. See? Silly - but important to me.

Another one of my hopes/goals/desires for 2011 was greatly encouraged by our church. Towards the end of 2010 our pastors began talking about reading through the entire Bible together as a church in 2011. They offered one year Bibles to the congregation. I have always struggled with discipline and consistency, so having the accountability of a whole church family behind me was helpful in my hopes to do this.

Dave and I have read through the Bible together as a couple each year for the past 3 years. It has been good and offered alot of conversation as we have together investigated what God was saying to us each day.

But.... we did this at night, when we were very ready for sleep. Most of the time Dave did the reading. I did the listening... only sometimes I did the sleeping. *blush* - Yes, I would often fall asleep. There is something about his voice reading the Bible to me that is so soothing. And it was during that newborn, sleep deprived, nursing 4 times per night, stage of life (watch me justify, justify, justify, explain...).

This year I am reading through the Bible in a year on my own. I am amazed (and slightly sheepish) at how much I am getting out of it this go-round. Instead of focusing on guilt for what I didn't get out of it in the past couple of years, I am choosing to relish what I am gleaning this year (big step for me to look forward expectantly instead of behind me wracked in guilt!).

I've been getting up at 5:30 am for about a week and a half now. It's NOT easy. I thought I was doing good to get up at 6:30 for the past few months. It was my time of quiet and my time of worship and my time of coffee and my time with my Father.

And then the kids started getting up at 6:30.

So I moved my awake time back to 6:15.

And then the kids started getting up at 6:15.

I almost cried.

I love these boys, but I need some quiet in my day.

I was getting none.

So, it was with a rather begrudging spirit at first, that I finally began getting up at 5:30. And I'm just gonna say right here right now, if they start getting up at 5:30 I am installing locks on the outside of their bedroom doors.

It's not easy to get out of bed that early. Not easy at all. But I can honestly say that I love it now. It is very valuable time for me.

When my heart is in the right place and I enter my early morning quiet time with an expectant heart, I always come away with life changing wisdom!

This morning I read in Exodus 13 and 14. Probably a passage I have read over and over. But this morning I saw something that spoke to me in a way it never had before. It just jumped right off of the page.

I read this,

 "When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the promised land. God said, "If the people are faced with battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness, toward the Red Sea."

And later in chapter 14 God says, "I have planned this to display my glory..."


So much in these few words. They are loaded with good.


How many times are we confused by what God is doing?

Expecting, waiting, for him to lead us down the "main road".

We think the "roundabout way" is a mistake.

"Um, God? The shortest route is over there. Oops! You must not have seen it!"

Surely he has forgotten about us.

We wait for him to get us "back on track".

And struggle with discontent in the wilderness.

We wait.

And wait.

"Okay God, ready when you are. Main road is right over there. Let's go."

And the whole time that we are striving towards that main road,

feeling like everything is disorderly,

and waiting for God to "do his thing",

He is compassionately leading us on his divinely appointed "roundabout way".

There is order to his plan. We just can't see it.


Because, see, he knows.

He knows that we get distracted very easily.

He knows that we could deny ourselves his wonderful promises by going back to our old ways.

And so he takes us on the journey that is best for us and that will display his glory.

Not the journey that is shortest...or easiest.


Man did I ever need to be reminded of that.

How much his ways are not our ways.

What a small picture we see.

How good He is...and well, how God He is.