Because it is worth a post

It can not go with out note that we are once again seeing alot of this -

As I stated in a previous post, K has been on a new medication with the goal of preventing migraines, and the side effects were wreaking havoc on him {and us...}.

It seems like right around the 2 week mark of being on this medication we began noticing his body adjusting to it.

He began to get his concentration and longer attention span back

And is definitely smiling more.

Have I mentioned lately that his smile is one of my favorite sights in the whole entire world? It is.

More than anything, I am just so incredibly proud of this little man.

I know it must have been horrible to feel all chemically off balance and weird with this new medication.

You could just tell by watching him when he would flip out that he felt really jittery and off.

We talked to him over and over about how much we understood that this was really hard for him, but that he had to use restraint. He had to teach his mind and body to stop and take a few minutes to regain his composure.

How hard is that? For a seven year old!

We have watched him intentionally hold back and bring himself under control several times over the past few days and it is crazy amazing to see him making these victories.

Does he still throw fits? Um, yes. -Just like any 7 year old with a great huge sin nature (Or even like a 29 year old recovering sin adict). :) But - the difference between right now and a week ago is really big.

The best news of all? He is still migraine free. In a few days he will reach a milestone of longest migraine free streak in at least 7 or 8 months.

Sometimes we do get sick days

Okay - because I got a little bit whiny, a couple of posts ago, about moms not getting sick days - I thought I should go on record as saying that there are rare occasions where they do.

Forgive me if this is short and slightly muddled. My brain function right now is... short and slightly muddled.

I've had a fever for 4 days.

I'm glad this isn't a vlog.

The sight on the other side of the screen right now? - Not attractive.

My skin tone is a really off shade of pale-ish green.

I've lost a few pounds since Sunday - and although I could never be described as "robust" - I do believe I have now taken "wimpy" to a new level.

I went to the doctor yesterday and they ordered two vials of blood to test.

Everything is normal.

Fine, so my blood says that, but my body is not saying that.

So - for the record. If a momma is sick enough, her mother in law and husband will see to it that she gets hours of quiet in her bed to rest.

And that is a huge blessing!

Excuse me while I try to get all of my strength back while taking care of my husband who only lasted 2 hours at work today.

Here we go again...

He took his naughty pills today

What am I learning these days?

So glad you asked. Because there is alot. A l o t.


Ministry: It's really hard sometimes.

I desperately want to help the women who come in to the crisis pregnancy center where I work.

So much is out of my control when they leave the building.

I want to take them home with me.

I want to make choices for them.

I can't.

I'm a seed planter.

Sometimes that is really, really hard.



Mommy-ing: It's an effort to keep my cool sometimes.

Like when his pretty artwork was created with those "bell stickers" ... that cost .44 a piece.

Like when stubbornness and disrespect seem to be inseparable buddies who don't want to leave the premises.

Like when a one year old begins methodically emptying every drawer, every trash bin, and every cupboard he can get his little hands on.

One minute I am cleaning up a mess, and I turn my back to find 5 more made.

Wow, wow, wow. This happened over night and it's pretty constant.

Every one of the boys went through this stage - and now I remember it!


Mommy-ing special needs: Every benefit has a draw back.

So, we put K on a new medication for his migraines. It is a  very common migraine preventative medication.

His migraines have been coming every two weeks, in a rather predictable pattern.

So far he is migraine free.

But...

The side effects are undesirable (understatement).

He is aggressive.

He has lost most of his appetite.

He is sleepy.

His attention span is extremely short.

After some phone calls and research, I found out that these are all very common, very expected side effects, especially in children.

The aggression has shown up at school.

He has swung at his teachers, like he is going to hit them, when he doesn't want to do something. 

He has thrown huge kicking fits in the parking lot.

He is flat out refusing to do things.

I cried when I experienced some of this, and heard about some of it.

I used to joke, when the kids were naughty, that they must have taken their "naughty pills".

Now that is pretty much reality.

I have to say, I seriously cringe every time I give him this medication.

But he is migraine free.

We are giving it a fair shot.

It's only been ten days.

His body hasn't had time to adjust fully yet.

We are shooting for a month, and then we will reevaluate.



Being a wife: What a privilege.

Especially this week - I do not know what I would do with out him.

Really - sometimes I just feel bad for him.

He has to deal with a woman who has rather unpredictable and very strong emotions (that's putting it pretty kindly people). -And he does it with such grace.

The way that he balances me, encourages me, and challenges me to grow is a gift.


Friendship: I need it more than I ever thought I did.

God has placed particular people in my life right now so graciously and for a reason.

He knows what I need and I am immeasurably thankful.


Fashion: Embracing skinny jeans and leggings.

I dabbled a bit in leggings a couple of years ago - but it seemed too weird. I was born in the 80s. Why go back?

I'll tell you why: They are SO comfortable!

And given the fact that you are wearing them correctly (ie - the right size paired with correct style and length of shirtage is oh so important...) they can be super cute!

I am shopping for the perfect boots right now.

I have gone to several different stores pricing and looking.

I'm thinking flat - slouchy - perhaps a buckle or two, and of course - worn with skinny jeans, maybe even skirts. Color is still up in the air.

Don't worry - I will fully report on the verdict when I find them. Perhaps even a little photo documentation.

Also, Highlights and lowlights can do alot for a person trying to grow their hair out and resist the urge to chop it.

Earth shattering stuff - I know!


Hobbies: They are a special part of who I am and how I am growing.

When I have my camera in my hand I feel so energized. I don't really know how else to explain it.

I am hoping to shoot a few family pictures for friends and design some Christmas cards.

The thought of that is both intimidating and incredibly exciting to me.

Writing is still one of my favorite ways to process things.

I love this outlet.


And there you have it.

Me.

Right now.

Kind of scattered.

Very real.

What if there is a higher purpose to this thing called "marriage"?

I got sick first. Miserable really, but not sick enough, by anyone else's standards, to stay in bed and take a sick day.

Oh wait; I don't get sick days...  I keep forgetting that.


Runny nose, swirling head, tingling ears, horribly sore throat.

None of my mommy duties or household duties got the memo...

One by one the kids started getting it,


...and then Dave got it.


Men handle sickness... different than women do {that's all I'm sayin'}.


He worked a half day on Friday and then was able to take... some sick time and come home.


I was exhausted and still not feeling 100% myself. A group of lovely women had invited me to a "spa night" that night. He said it was fine if I went as long as I fed the kids and had them as ready for bed as possible so that he didn't have to deal with all of that.

Because he was sick.

He didn't feel well.


That's when the evil little voice in my head began to scream.


"I don't feel well either! I don't get sick days! Who fed the boys for me when I felt like crap?! Who laid out their jammies? Where was MY four hour nap? And PAID sick time??! Where?"

"What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

He was very quiet on Sunday. Tired and contemplative. Today is his first day of school. Plus eight hour work day. It was alot for him to think through yesterday. There are alot of unknowns for him. Of course he was quiet as he processed some of these changes. That is his signature characteristic when alot is going on. Man of few words.


My love language is words. I wanted words. I hadn't seen much of him and felt some what disconnected. Yeah, he has school coming up, yeah, he's had alot going on.... but why isn't he focused on me?

"What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

I needed to get some groceries. I had stayed home from 3 planned family activities in the last few days with sick kids. I really felt the need for a little bit of space and time away.

I told him I was leaving to run some errands for a while. I shoved a stack of K's homework towards him. It needed to be done. And I was declaring myself off duty. 

I saw the tired lines around his eyes. I paused as I noticed the slight droop to his shoulders. But then I left. 

And as I sat at the red light a few minutes later, all I could think of was

"What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

If you hadn't guessed yet, I am reading this book called, "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas.

And, um... if you hadn't noticed yet, it is a bit on the convicting side.

I'm only a couple of chapters in, so I can only imagine how much more this book is going to haunt me sharpen my character.

Our culture would say, "I deserve me time! Focus on me. I don't care what you are going through, meet MY needs."

And we are called to break out of this me shaped thought process.

Do we need rest and time away? Yes. Does God know exactly what we need? Indeed. If we jump ahead of him and try to make sure that we "get" what we "need" {cause you know, the creator of the universe may not come through for us...} we will very often miss something so far beyond beautiful. We will be settling.

God has placed some one in my life whose very presence can help to make me into the person I was intended to be. 

Stop.

Think.

Consider {some one other than myself}.

What does he need?

What would put a smile on his face?

What would help shoulder the burdens he carries?

I am learning this:

When I take my eyes off from myself, and minister to the needs of the one whom I have promised my life to, my real needs are met so much more efficiently and completely than when I run past compassion and encouragement and grasp at my "rights", what I "deserve", and want.

"To spiritually benefit from marriage we have to be honest. We have to look at our disappointments, own up to our ugly attitudes, and confront our selfishness. {Bleh!}We also have to rid ourselves of the notion that the difficulties of marriage can be overcome if we simply pray harder or learn a few simple principles. Most of us have discovered that these few "simple steps" work only on a superficial level. Why is this? Because there is a deeper question that needs to be addressed beyond how can we "improve" our marriage: What if God didn't design marriage to be "easier"? What if God had an end in mind that went beyond or happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place? 

What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? What if, as de Sales hints, we are to accept the "bitter juice" because out of it we may draw the resources we need with which to make the "honey of a holy life"?"

Quote taken directly from "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas (Except the "Bleh". That was all me)

His memory puts life into my ministry...

Infant loss remembrance week...

Remembering him...

But can't get my mind off of them.

So many of them - they were never even given a chance.

We had him for 10 days.

And I grieve deeply.

Because we loved him,

and we wanted him.

More than I can even express.


Thinking...

about the young girl.

What it felt like to hug her,

and the surprise of how much I loved her in that short afternoon time span.

Watching her see her baby for the first time on the ultra sound screen.

Her weeping.

How much bigger the circumstances seemed to her than the truth that was clearly shown that day.

Remembering...

The thump-a-thump-a-thump that reverberated through the room - just screaming "life".

Her face.

Her sobs.

Yes, I remember.

I will remember our journey, and I will grieve beyond that.

I don't know the ending to her story.

But in the middle of the night when her face is all I can see, my heart whispers prayers that truth broke through.


Remember them.

They don't have a voice.

We do.

We do, people -Let it be heard.

It doesn't need to be shouted.

It doesn't need to be pushy

It doesn't need to be aggressive.

It needs to be reflective {reflect Him, be His hands and feet, be His voice}.

It needs to be gentle and loving.

It needs to be empathetic.

It needs to speak the truth.

Today he's one

Malachi,

Today you are one year old.

Today I look at you and I squint hard, trying to remember something that seems veiled and dream like; our family before you.

There was a time when I was not your momma, but I think in my heart of hearts I've always been your momma.

You were always that finishing puzzle piece to this family and I was always the momma still waiting, even when I didn't know it.

There was a time when I was not a mom at all. And yet in my heart of hearts the longing to be this nurturer, this vessel to give life, was almost tangible.

You have given life to the dreams of my heart.

Your air filled lungs and your beating heart - they are God's love letters.

Love letters that give hope to arms that once ached and an entire being that once grieved the loss of life.

Look at you! You have my chin and the shape of my eyes!

Today I celebrate you.

Sweetness.

Life.

Beauty.

A will completely your own.

My first year mothering you has been healing, stretching, growing, loving.

Thank you for who you are. You are a part of some thing wonderful that God is doing.

I love you.

In which I wax redundant about the season we currently find ourselves in...

I know - I've said it already. I've already made it quite clear how I feel about fall. The rich colors, the slight chill in the air, getting jeans and sweaters out from their months of waiting, the fresh crispness, the smells, the breathtaking sights, the savory food favorites...

Can I just do this one last post about it? Just one more... I promise! This is it. Until next time. Because really, since when did I begin asking permission to write about something I love on my blog?!

On Saturday morning I woke up while it was still dark outside. My whole family was still asleep. I got dressed, grabbed my camera, and walked out the door, feeling very exhilarated. I picked up a friend, who shares my love of photography, and we headed to a 700 + acre nature preserve to capture some autumn photos in the earliest morning light.

A few pictures are worth a few thousand words, no?

Then let me present, autumn in Michigan (one last time).



The end. (Maybe)

Some favorite fall recipes!

I made all of these this past week and...yum! Try one, try two, or get really crazy and try all three. And let me know what you think!

Cream Cheese Pumpkin Muffins

Ingredients:
1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese
1 egg
1 tablespoon sugar


Muffin:
2 1/4 cups all purpose flour
3 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 eggs, lightly beaten
2 cups sugar
1 cup canned pumpkin
1/2 cup canola oil
24 pecan halves, optional


Directions:
For the filling, in a small bowl, beat the cream cheese, egg, and sugar until smooth; set aside. In a large bowl, combine the flour, pumpkin pie spice, baking soda, and salt. Beat the eggs, sugar, pumpkin, and oil; stir into dry ingredients, just until moistened.

Divide half the batter among 24 greased or paper-lined muffin cups. Drop filling by teaspoonfuls over batter. Top with remaining batter, place a pecan over each muffin if desired.

Bake at 350° for 20-22 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. Cool for 5 minutes before removing from pans to wire racks.


Recipe acquired from Taste Of Home


Applebee's Spinach Artichoke Dip 

Ingredients:

 1 (14 oz) can artichoke hearts drained, and roughly chopped
1 (10 oz) box frozen chopped spinach, thawed
10 oz prepared Alfredo sauce
1 cup shredded Parmesan Romano cheese blend
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese 
4 oz cream cheese, softened
1 tsp minced garlic

Directions:
Drain artichoke hearts, then chop them up into smaller chunks. Keep them chunky though! Chop up thawed spinach. Combine Alfredo sauce, Parmesan-Romano blend, softened cream cheese, 1 cup shredded mozzarella, and minced garlic. Mix until well blended. Put in oven safe bowl and sprinkle with remaining 1 cup mozzarella. Put in 350° oven for 15-20 minutes, until slightly browned and bubbly.
 


Polynesian Pork Marinade

Ingredients:  
3 lbs. pork (tenderloin, chops, whatever you desire)
3/4 cup bbq sauce
1/2 cup soy sauce
1 TBSP olive oil
1 TBSP ginger
1/4 cup brown sugar


Place all ingredients together in bag or marinade dish. I usually marinade for at least an hour. Grill, bake, or pan fry. My personal favorite for this is pork chops and grilling!! You can also put the meat and marinade in a freezer bag and stick in the freezer for a later date.


Recipe acquired from Amanda's Freezer feastings

When God shows up in a Starbucks gift card

Okay - laugh. Laugh all you want (God...in coffee...?).

But it's true.

I saw God in a small piece of plastic, sent from a famous coffee shop chain.

Last Friday was one of those days. Either you know what I am talking about, or you know of some magic way to skip over such days. If the latter is true, you may contact me with your secret by clicking on the "contact" button above. *smile* -Pretty sure we've all had "those days".

Directly after getting home from dropping K and Jay off at school I had to turn around and go right back to pick K up. He was afflicted with a migraine. It had come on fast and was quite painful. By the time I got there, with Noe and Kai in tow, he was in a deep sleep on some pillows in the back of his 1st grade class room. His sweet ParaPro (his one on one aide) was taking wonderful care of him, but it is still really hard to see him go through this!

Once we were home and had him settled I was able to have a couple of sweet hours of chatting with a friend. That was a much needed break from the many requirements that were closing in on my day. That afternoon was filled with phone calls to insurance companies and medical supply companies as I continued to try to sort our some of the new aspects to K's medical care in what is covered/what is not.

I had to take lots of deep breaths and say several of those little one line prayers, such as "okay God, you know how this is all going to work out. Help me to trust" and "calm my heart".

I took the short, but beautiful and refreshing, walk out to my mailbox in the midst of my tasking. I filled my senses with the outdoors. The smell of fall - SO crisp, fresh, and invigorating. Any one with me here? I want to find a perfume called "autumn". I would wear it in the middle of winter when I am chilled to the bone and haven't seen the sun for days.

I digress.

So, I am walking out to my mailbox. My feet are crunching on dark red, bright yellow, and deep brown leaves. I am whispering my heart to God.

My mailbox answered with a surprise. A small white envelope with little red berries on it.

Inside was a Starbucks gift card. Enough for like, 6 or 7 cups of coffee. I know!!

It may be just a little bit sad that I get so excited over coffee.

But that wasn't the main reason that I was so delighted. Don't get me wrong, coffee is great, and as I told the dear giver of this unexpected gift, it is a special comfort in my days. Something that I enjoy. Something for me. But personally, this was just another one of those confirmations. God sees, he hears, he knows, and he is going to show up in the details. It was kind of this heart lifting truth that not only were we going to be taken care of and have all of our needs met, but that, in addition to the need meeting, every now and then there would be special indulgances as well. Because God is like that.

All of those one line prayers uttered through out my day? Not one of them went unnoticed. I knew that before I got the mail. But there is nothing like a surprise gift/encouragement to highlight what you already know and remind you he cares. Some times he uses sweet aunts form Iowa to show you. ;)

Now, for my first cup... cinnamon dolce latte? Caramel macchiato? Pumpkin spice latte? Or maybe something I've never tried before, like a peppermint white chocolate mocha or a salted caramel hot chocolate? Such choices....

Like momma like son...

So there is a certain five year old that lives in this house, who has been getting very grown lately.

In the past he has seemed to be the least like me out of everyone in this household.

There are the obvious differences,

like:

He is all boy

and

I am very girly-girl.


And then the not so obvious,

the more subtle details of character,

like:

He is impulsive

I am a planner.


He lives life out loud and with a very strong will.

I tend to be more quiet and go with the flow.


He is out-of-this-world stubborn.

I am...

wait, never mind.

Moving on.

Lately he has been pointing out to ME our similarities. And I really see them too. He is changing in many ways. Some of them are great; wonderful signs of maturity and growing into his own interests and unique traits. Some of them are not so good. In that category would be his new found shy anxiety that I relate to way too much...

Regardless, it has been a JOY to watch this little man grow, learn, and become more and more "Jay". Our precious Jay.


Last week he walked into the house after a long day at school and noticed the cushions were off of the couch. Taking the cushions off from the couch and converting it into a boat, sailing on the high seas, has been a fav of Jay and Noe's for as long as they could toddle around and say "boat mama! Boat!".  But on this particular day, Jay looked at the living room floor, littered with cushions and blankets, and shook his head.

He said, "mom, why is this room such a mess?!" I explained to him what Noe and I had been playing. I was sure that he would jump on board (quite literally) and enthusiastically join in. Instead he began picking up and resettling the entire room, cushions and all. "Mom, I think I am becoming more like you. I don't like messes anymore. I think I know why you don't like messes now. I want this cleaned up."

I still can't figure out if I like this change or not. I'll let you know when I decide.


Now here's the clincher that this kid is indeed mine (Because 2 1/2 hours of pushing after 8 hours of labor wasn't quite enough to clinch it for me). We gave him our old point and shoot digital camera. 

Oh my! -Is this kid obsessed. Sound familiar? Maybe a little bit?

We have downloaded hundreds of pictures that he has taken! We download them into his special "Jay" folder on our computer and he is so proud.

He seems to already have an eye for unique pictures. And I am so proud. :) We have even sat down and done some editing together. Be still my heart.

I now present you with, the world according to Jay behind the lens:

His little basket ball hoop. I love that he took this through the screen on our front porch window.

Library books

One of his beloved kitties, "Smoky".

  

 Little brother. Possibly getting ready to throw the ball right at the photographer?

Mom. We still need to have the "flash is evil, find a window with light streaming through before you take the picture" talk.

Little brother. Perhaps visually assualted by the evil flash?

Good times. And good creativity by my Jay. Love him! (But really, I would never wear a camouflage jacket)