Those voices in my head...

I haven't been sleeping well lately.

No reason really. I've heard there's this thing called "third trimester insomnia". Nice. I was up from 2-5 this morning. Frustrated that I couldn't sleep - then I started over thinking things. You know how it goes. Somewhere between my 2 am wake up and Dave's 5:15 alarm I started thinking about K starting kindergarten in one week. One week...

Oh my. I've been excited about it. I have been thrilled that he is finally taking that next step and all that this year will mean to him. I hadn't yet cried about it. And in those early am hours I found myself laying there in bed, cuddled up next to Dave, accommodating some kind of party in my belly for baby Kai, with tears streaming down my face. I wasn't really sad, more contemplative. I just couldn't stop the tears. At one point I was a little worried that the tears would puddle up and wake Dave up by floating him out of bed. But no worries. His alarm barely woke him up.

K is so ready. He has had three years of preschool. He loves to learn. His reading has improved over the summer. He'll be fine. I know he will be.

It's mommy who isn't quite ready. And my stomach tied up in knots. And my mind wandered. And I began a mental dialog that was kind of ridiculous....
 
"If you are this uneasy, you should just keep him home. Home school him. You are being lazy by giving your duty of teaching your child to some one else!" But we love the wonderful people who have worked with him so far. There are so many great programs to take advantage of for him in our school system. That has been a huge factor in encouraging our decision to send him to school... "He's still not potty trained, you should have been working harder with him! Who sends their poor child to kindergarten in diapers??" But I've tried. Oh have I tried! And now we are waiting on a specially made-for-him potty chair. He can't hold himself on a regular one and our little one is way too small now. He doesn't even seem to know when he is wet, when he has to go etc. I don't know what all he can feel with all of his right side weakness. I've tried...

"They won't know him. It's a new school, new people. What if they expect him to do things he can't? What if they don't know what he can do and have too low of expectations? 

He can't get himself onto a swing. 

He can't go up stairs himself. 

He will need help on and off the bus. 

Once he transitions to full days he will need help eating, and making sure that he drinks enough..."

What am I doing?? What is my roll? What is best for him? Will he be okay? Will I be okay?

I know he will be. And I know that eventually I will be too... Change has never been easy for me. It's always come fairly easily for K though. And he really is the one that this is all about. Not me. It's just that they don't know all of this

~ They weren't there the first time I held him - and freaked out over keeping the ventilator tube steady.

 
 -Or for his first bath when I marveled over that tiny hand...

Or during his first little photo session, finally at home, when we took his oxygen out for the first time and he slept so peacefully... -Or his first studio photo session when he was full of smiles and we just couldn't believe how good he was doing, but still wondered...

*Big sigh*

Have you ever been "shushed" by God?? I was this morning. :) It was kind of this still-ish small-ish voice. Whispering into my heart. Stop. Stop. They don't need to know all that. Let him go beyond those memories. He's not your tiny preemie baby any more. He's not. He's not one and a half pounds any more. He's 45 pounds. Let him be who he is now. Don't take on burdens you were never meant to. Just love my child. Love him and go with that deep knowing feeling that I have placed inside of you. Love him. And release him.

Deep breath. Stand tall. Grab the tissues. It doesn't end here...

Her dream life...

Tuesday night we went out on a date. A real date - just the two of us. It was nice, really nice. We went out to dinner and our waitress happened to be a former student employee of Dave's. She was so sweet - and gave us great service by the way! She had worked with Dave two summers ago. His summer student workers are with him alot - like all day. He gets to invest much into their lives. She had been to our house last week to pick up a dresser that we are no longer using, to help furnish her new apartment. As she stood there taking our order she paused and said "You know, as I was leaving your house last week it occurred to me that you guys are living my dream life. A house full of boys, out in the quiet of the country, happily married..." She smiled and I had to look up at her to see if she was being for real. Here was a beautiful girl. A recent college graduate, now setting out on her own. The world lies in front of her as opportunities abound and potential is endless. And she desires a life just like mine. Some thing about it really surprised me. And humbled me. And it made me think. And it fostered thankfulness in my heart. This life - this demanding, tiring, sometimes thankless life - truly is beautiful. And I needed reminded of that. And I am writing about it now because as I walk through the kitchen corn silks and sand pad the path my feet take. Dirty clothes line my bathroom floor. Lunch dishes are all over the table. Two little boys who are supposed to be sleeping, sound instead as if they are throwing their mattresses around upstairs. And I am too tired to check that out. I'm not feeling very well right now. I wish the mess would go away and the kids would rest so that I could curl up on the couch and stay there for about 4 hours. But, this is her dream life. And really, really, really - it is mine too. And I wouldn't trade it for all the clean houses and restful kids in the world. It's mine. It's busy. It's messy. It's sweet. It's beautiful.

{4.5}

What does {4.5} look like for Jay? 

 Frustration

 Joy 

 Concentration 

 Love 

 Limits 

 Testing 

 Learning 

 Growing

 He's understanding so much more... Which leads to even more questions. 

And wondering "How far can I go?" And the need for parental consistency increases.

  Then he sees: This is how far

 Not an inch further 

 Sometimes mommy and daddy get really tired 

 And the need for constancy in the consistency wears them down... 

 But they see that for Jay, at {4.5} they must make the lines very clear 

  This is okay This is not 

 Boundaries speaking love to this {4.5} year old 

 In three weeks Jay will enter a new stage in life 

 One that involves preschool 

 Teachers 

 Playmates 

 Learning 

 Time away from mommy 

 Like he has never had Bittersweet... 

 He loves feeling his baby brother kick 

 He waits And asks "When is he coming out of there?" 

 Every day 

 And he observes "Baby Malachi is sure getting big mom - I really think he needs to come out!" 

 And we smile

 He loves airplanes 

 Like really obsessed loves 

 He loves rockets H

e has inherited his mommy's love of sweets.... Always "can I have ice cream?" 

 "Can I have a cookie?" 

 "Can we make donuts" 

 But he also loves fresh fruits and veggies 

 Loving Grandma and Grandpa's numerous fresh garden treats 

 He loves to swim and completed level one in the red cross Learn to Swim program this summer 

 We are so proud of him 

 He also seems to have gotten mommy's love of creativity 

 Always asking for glue 

 And tape 

 And markers 

 And ribbon 

 And paper 

 And embellishments 

 Making so many masterpieces 

 But trumping all other loves Is the hero love 

 The biggest love right now... Daddy 

 If daddy is near, Jay will be less than 2 inches from him 

 Touching him somehow 

 His hand through the carpenter strap on daddy's shorts 

 Or holding daddy's pinky finger 

 Or daddy's hand 

 Or wrapped around daddy's leg 

 If daddy finishes supper and leaves the table Jay is suddenly done with his and running to catch up 

 And Jay is starting to really get that there is an even higher authority than mommy and daddy 

 And that Jesus is loving and kind 

 And that love is offered to him 

 And we pray and wait For more understanding to come... 

 Oh the way he looks when he comes in to our room with excuse after excuse after excuse 

 Not to go to bed 

 That cute "trying not to smile" smile... Oh this love... This is {4.5} for Jay He is {4.5} today

Not Me Monday...

(Being brutally honest, and living to tell about it...)

This week I have not felt like no matter how little/much I eat I have no control over the third trimester weight gain. I'm not concerned over it because really - that would be so shallow! I only worry about the health of the baby. Vain thoughts of my own body have no place in this beautiful process we call pregnancy. I did not put potty training Noe on hold because he started telling me he didn't want to do it, squirming off the potty, crying, carrying on... I am inflexible and structured. Since I am the parent I will always stick to my plans and rules and not take the cues from the kiddos. I do not believe that if the child isn't ready we are both just going to be very frustrated. Not me. I'm totally into cleaning up pee and poop over and over since my child is not ready to take the steps necessary to go in the potty. My endless energy encourages such things. I did not get giddy and excited over dry wall. Dry wall?? How boring. Are you kidding me? Who would take pictures of it, touch it, and smell it? Not me. Upon receiving a delivery of the tub and sink faucets I had ordered, I did not get them out of their boxes multiple times to look at them. Every one knows that once you have seen some thing, you've seen it. It's not like it's going to change in an hour. There would be no reason to get it out over and over to just look. Which is why I didn't do that. My hubby most certainly did not hang all of the ceiling dry wall by himself while ignoring watching our three very active boys during the 4 hours that I was gone Saturday afternoon. He did not tell me previously that it was at least a two person job, and he most certainly didn't reply "Well I meant a two person job for normal people" when asked about it.

I have not been singing the praises of Zantac all week. I always love being pregnant and don't ever have moments where I just want to be done. The heart burn which has kept me up for about 3 hours each night was a joy. Insomnia, and back aches are delightful to me as well. I smile through it all. I have not been dreaming about a new camera. I am always wise with our finances, so of course even thinking of such a purchase is not practical and I would not entertain such frivolity. I did not stalk Facebook today on a regular basis waiting for news of my sweet friend Amanda's new baby. If I had done so - I may have jumped off my chair and clapped when the news I was looking for caught my eye. But since none of that happened, than of course I didn't. I'm not that cheesy anyway. So, that's what I haven't been up to... I'll let you know what we have been doing sometime soon.

Update on the bedroom remodel

There was just no other way to get the dry wall and bathtub into the room but through the window. How fun is that??

Check out the lights - electricity has been this past weeks job. The ones above the tub have a dimmer option - romantic lighting. ;) Ceiling fan is in and lights and outlets are all set. Plumbing is done. The ceiling is insulated, and all new windows are installed (The one that the dry wall and bathtub went through just got installed about 5 minutes ago. :) Mr. cutie in safety glasses is all business. "Big important jobs mom, big important jobs!"

Oh we're getting there!! So exciting!

Because when she cries, he gives her tissues

Because when her doctor acknowledged the fact that there had been a gain of four pounds in two weeks, and she only made it to the elevator before she had a mini meltdown, he just held her hand and told her she was more beautiful to him every day... Because when the four year old decided to throw his loudest, badest, most disrespectful fit of all time, in the middle of the county fair, his patience far, far out weighted the amount of patience she could have ever come up with. And he dealt with it so calmly, so lovingly, so firmly, when she just wanted to run away... Because when she found the celery in the freezer and could not remember ever having done such a silly thing he just smiled, stuck to his story that he doesn't touch celery, so it couldn't have been him, but maybe it was one of the boys... Because when she loaded up all of the boys for K's last Physical therapy session of the summer and went into town only to realize that they were a half hour late for the half hour appointment, he told her it was okay. Every one makes mistakes every now and then. Even if the appointment has been on the same day... at the same time... all through the entire summer... Because the random bursting into tears doesn't annoy him or scare him or frustrate him. He's just there. And he gets it... Because when she keeps him up at night not being able to sleep due to heart burn like she has not ever experienced before, baby kicks in the ribs, contractions, over heating, or going to the bathroom 20 times, he never complains. And some times rubs her back to help her get back to sleep. And he has to be up at 5:15 am... Because when she needs time that doesn't involve all things mommy... and needs to have a break every now and then... he takes care of the busy work with the boys so she can. Even though he has often just completed 8 hours at work and has so much he still needs to do at home. Even though he is feeling the time crunch to finish the bedroom before the baby is born. Even though every time he sees her growing belly he feels the time is going faster and faster (and some times looks at it like it's a ticking time bomb)... He still takes time off from all of the needed preparation to give her time... Because she felt the need for some "just the two of us" time and informed him to clear his schedule next Tuesday... even amongst all of his busyness... he gladly acquiesced. Because she favors rubbed bronze for the bed room fixtures, and he found a paint that matched the few things they had already bought and painted over the chrome on the light bar he had purchased. For all of that and so much more she knew that she was beyond blessed and desired greatly to never take it all for granted...

Umm...those are my ribs

Dear sweet little baby Malachi, I love feeling you move I love all of the nurturing feelings that go along with carrying you inside of me and honestly - I will miss it. As excited as I am to meet you (in ten weeks or less!!), I know there will be a slight feeling of leaving something so very precious behind. And yet.... Can I just kindly ask that your favorite cuddle spot be changed? You see, those are my ribs. That area that you love to burrow under and squirm and hang out - yeah, that would not be your mama's number one choice for you. You know that oxygen that you get? It pretty much sustains your life. In order for you to get that, I must be able to breathe it. Just a little detail. When you compromise my breathing capabilities by cuddling up under my ribs, it does affect you too, love. I would ask that you stay off from my bladder as well, but I'm afraid I can't have it both ways. I'm so short torsoed that I'll have to take one or the other... Many thanks, grins and smiles, Your rounding out mama

Through His lens...

I'll admit it - I have am obsessive type personality. If I'm into a really good book, I'm kind of obsessed and not much gets done around the house till the book is read. If I get struck by the writing bug, or blogging bug, or (love the two times a year this happens!) cleaning bug, then that is all I want to do for a time - while the obsession lasts (some are kind of short term... like that last one). I'm trying to learn to be a more even keeled person, living a bit more in balance. But sometimes when the passion for these things strikes I do get some of my best writing, reading, cleaning, etc done.

That brings us to my latest obsession. I have been browsing the internet to learn more about taking pictures (I would say "photography" but that word, to me, suggests some kind of finesse in the art. "Taking pictures" describes what I am doing much better for now...), I have been watching tutorials on shutter speed, aperture, and editing. I have even taken the geeky step of sitting down with my camera owners manual and *gasp* reading some of it. Pretty much what I have learned is: there is alot I don't know. :) But through my tinkering, and playing, and discovering, I have noticed something really neat. Things that I have never noticed before are suddenly jumping out at me and becoming picturesque. Things that I used to try to ignore, and thought were quite unattractive, are instantly beautiful through the lens of my camera. For instance; our farm is over 70 years old. Buildings that I'm sure were sturdy and useful in their time are now little more than shacks. - Some just a lean-to of very old sticks. Broken and coming apart. Really no use for such things. I had wanted a nice clean home area, with out such things marring it - But then I focused my camera on this one ~

And when the evening sun hit it just right and the shadows fell around it I saw some thing I had never seen before when looking in that direction. Character, fascination, and even some beauty. Next I focused on an old barn which Dave has begun to reinforce and restore so that it can actually be used. And wow - once again, the sun filtered through the tree and I wondered what stories this building could tell.

An old grain bin that I have often mentally wished away. When you turn into our driveway this is one of the first things you see. -Wouldn't really be my first choice. We don't farm the land we own, we rent it out. We rent this grain bin dryer out as well. Kind of rusty, pretty big, not real nice. But through the lens... well, it kind of changed my perspective. It seemed more timeless. Telling of all things country in Michigan. Little boys running around an acreage and loving it...

It all made me think about how we become different through God's "lens" of righteousness that he looks upon us with. We are all pretty ugly on the inside. Kind of just fallen down useless creatures. Eye sores really. But what a miracle that through Jesus' sacrifice for us on the cross, taking our sin and shame, we have become beautiful. Clean Useful for purposes beyond what we ever could have imagined All through His lens.

Still getting used to it...

We recently took the steps necessary to get one of these: And I have to be honest; it feels rather strange. And it has made a very positive difference on the ease in which I can now do appointments with K. Especially now - with the ever growing belly. I would always get in trouble when I carried K (either form Dave or his mom...) :) - but there were times I just had to. Sometimes we could take a stroller with us, but the ones we have are pretty big and bulky - kind of hard to get in and out of the van. The smaller strollers are much too small for him now. We tried to encourage him to walk with his walker as much as possible, but his ankle braces were getting too tight and walking long distances in parking lots would get very hard for him. His feet would start to hurt and he would fatigue and beg to be carried. It's been so hard for me to say no to him - but for about a month and a half now I have not carried his 45 pound growing body at all. I only lift him to get him in and out of his car seat. So - all that to say that the the handicapped placard, as unfamiliar and strange as it may seem for a while, has been wonderful to have! We can now park close by entrances when K is with us and he is able to walk in with ease. Today K and I had some special mommy son bonding time. We took an hour drive to go get him fitted for new dynamic ankle and foot orthodics (DAFO's - otherwise known as ankle braces). He has been growing by leaps and bounds (kinda like his mommy) and as I mentioned before, has quite outgrown his old ones. Of all the procedures he has been through one would think that having wet netting/webbing wrapped around his foot, waiting for it to dry and harden, then getting it gently cut off would be a walk in the park. Nope, if one thought that, one would be wrong. You would've thought the child was being tortured the way he carried on. Or that some one was taking his wash cloth away or something. Or that some one gave him a wash cloth with out words on the tag. But no, it was just a DAFO fitting. First. the fun part! Getting to pick the design on the strap and the padding and Velcro colors. He definitely has his mommy's love for creativity and design! He ended up choosing an "ABC" design with coordinating red and navy blue straps. :)

And then the part that he "doesn't love!!" (in his words). Every one was very patient with him and we all made it through the traumatizing ordeal. A very exciting thing about the new DAFO's is that they will now be "articulating" - meaning they will hinge at his ankle, giving him more freedom towards independent walking. This is a new thing. All of the other DAFO's he has had were kind of limiting on progressing much with his independent walking, because their purpose was to force his foot into the correct position due to muscle tone issues. Now that his tone is improving he gets a little bit less restriction in his braces. I'm really excited to see if this makes a difference for him and his walking! We get to pick them up in 3 weeks.

Geez, this kid has been through alot. He may contest some of the poking and prodding he must undergo, but for the most part he is so brave. So courageous. So determined. You already know this, but I learn so much from him. He is such a treasure!

Wordless Wednesday

Can't stop photographing this child...

Well, hello summer!

So yesterday summer finally arrived in Michigan. Seriously, it has been the strangest summer I've experienced in a long time! For the past month and a half I have only run the a/c about three times. And that includes what I am accustomed to as one of the hottest months of the year; July. It has been very mild, overcast many days, and just not your typical summer. But alas - we have hardly noticed as we have run all over, keeping appointments, vacations, soft ball games, work on the house. So many days Dave and I have simply met each other at the door as one of us has arrived and the other left. Days have been busy, nights have been short, and energy levels sapped. And yesterday it hit me. Things really have finally slowed down for us! I wasn't sure if it would happen or not, but it has. Summer occupational therapy and physical therapy is now over for K. Swimming lessons are over for Jay. Softball season has ended for another year. Two family reunions are now just memories. Our planned travels for the summer are done. I only have one more month of my weekly trips to my doctor's office for progesterone shots. We have another month until K starts kindergarten and five weeks till Jay begins preschool. Mom's group, Wednesday night Awana, and all of the activities of fall, including that little detail - a new baby - :) are still future busyness. But for now - just for now we are having a bit of a respite form all of the running around. Perhaps we are simply in the eye of the storm?? :) Yesterday we went to church together as a family, enjoyed grilling for lunch, enjoyed our a/c (because, as I said, summer weather finally arrived in the form of 95 degrees and super high humidity - that's more like the summers I know!!), enjoyed the boys all resting nicely for an hour and a half, and then enjoyed our pool. Talk about relaxing! It was really, really nice! Saturday was a flurry of tasking for both Dave and I. Dave - finally getting back into our bedroom project which has had to have been put on hold due to our busy schedules and not even being here to work on it for much of the past month. Electricity was wired up, lights were installed and a ceiling fan was put up. He was busy busy! As for myself, well - I can't seem to get away from the nesting bug. It hit in a big way on Saturday and I was frantically going through closets, bins, dresser drawers, cupboards, nothing was safe and every thing was in danger of being pitched. :) We worked non stop from breakfast to supper - and in between all of our tasking we shared in responsibilities of the little guys who were running circles around us. It was a very successful day, and made our restful Sunday even that much more enjoyable. I know that things have to get done. I know that the life we chose is a busy one. I understand responsibility and all of that... But the way we were yesterday brought such joy... Plus I got a beautiful hour to finally sit down and figure out some more about my camera (yes, the one with packing tape over the battery door) and my photo editing software. Our Sunday:

(Yes, he really is that cute! And check out K over to the left - that's a white wash cloth he is rubbing on his face - one with writing on the tag.)

(A.dor.a.ble!) (No, I really was not unhappy, and yes, I really did wear earrings into the pool, and yes, Malachi did grow a bit over the weekend.) So, how's your summer been? Super busy? Fun and relaxing, a mixture of both? I do ♥ summer!!

"Do you love me?"

I am such a work in progress, have so far to go, am just learning as I parent. How often I wonder - When did I get old enough to have four kids? Some days I feel like a little girl, dressing up in her mommy's clothes. I see the baby growing inside. I see the little ones running around. They are mine. I don't want to ruin them. What am I doing? What do I have to offer? So many wrong steps already taken. What effect does it have on them? Everything I do directly affects these precious people - who have been entrusted to me. And then the panic... And in the midst of it all I can do is call out to the one who indeed, entrusted me with them for a time. He knows my inadequacies, the real and imagined, and he knows my strengths. He knows I may not make the healthiest meals, I may be having a series of very tired days, perhaps I haven't taken them all to the park in a long time, or gotten on the floor with them much lately. I haven't been offering alot of educational play and activities to prepare them for the upcoming school year. And then there are the times that my tone isn't what it should be. Or I just plain don't want to do the grown up and selfless thing. And my mind is telling me "You have been failing them!" But my God is not telling me that. Instead he points out what I have done - which has made a positive impact. My capacity to love seems to be constantly on the rise. When I think I'm at the top a time comes when I look up, and up, and up and I see that there is so much farther to go in the quest to love perfectly. I will never reach the top while I am here. Wow do I love these little boys. And some days that is enough. Because that love swoops in And it floats down to cover some of those mistakes The unmet expectations And the times I have failed them. It cradles them and gives them security. And it has far reaching and lasting effects. ********************************************* On a particularly difficult day my Jay was testing all of the limits he could possibly think of. I was trying to be consistent. I was trying to deal with things immediately. I was trying to explain why what he was doing was wrong. Again, and again, and again. But mommies do wear down at some point. Which was his goal I am sure. And after several hours of this I just had to stop, walk out side, and breathe in some fresh air. It was one of those moments. A moment where I wondered "what in the world am I doing? I don't know how to do this!" Jay was not backing down. That stubborn streak, which we do so admire, was breaking down my calm, dissolving my patience, and eating through all of my carefully laid "proven parenting" techniques. I took some deep breaths and walked by my flower gardens. I asked for help. I went back in. There he was, sitting at the dining room table, looking a little bit worried. He was playing with a paper airplane, but his focus wasn't really on it. "Mom?" His voice was different now. Soft. Kind of sorry sounding. I looked over at him, feeling tired all over again. "Do you love me?" His eyes told me that he was very serious. He wasn't playing games. "Of course I love you Jacob! I always love you." I'm not sure if it was the tiredness, the pregnancy, or just the moment, but strong emotions began to come to the surface. "But not always mom. You don't always love me. Just sometimes. Like when I'm good." I ran to where he was and I scooped him up. Contrary to his usual on-the-go self, he let me hold him. I was blinking away tears. "Jay, I always love you. I love you when you obey. I love to see you grow and learn and understand. But I love you when you look me in the eye and do the opposite of what I tell you to do. It hurts me when you do that, but it never ever causes me to love you less!" I pulled back and looked him straight in the eye, hoping that the point I was making was very clear. He wasn't as emotional as I was. More just logically taking it all in. "But how can you mom? I don't understand that. How can you love me when I do bad things?" I swear, that is what he said - word for word. I had to pause and gather my thoughts. He's four. I'm 28. And I know that question pops into my head on a regular basis. "How can you love me when I do bad things? I don't understand!" I have posed that question to God over and over as I have gone my own way, made mistakes, forgotten him, taken control, and then ultimately saw the error in it all and came back to him in tears. And until this moment with Jay, the question still kind of lingered for me..."How can he? Does he...?" The more logical side of me knows that He loves me no matter what. But that little girl longing for affirmation and still wondering... She just isn't always sure. But in that moment all questions were gone. "Because you are my son! You were given to me as a special gift Jay. You are my boy. There is no way I could ever look at you and not feel love. I can feel alot of other things within that love, but the love is always there. You are my son!" He smiled. "Yeah, I am." The rest of the day brought a few more moments of testing. I mean, he is four and he is in the midst of so much learning. I suppose testing is a stepping stone to growing. But I knew things were a little bit different for both of us. The security he had gained seemed to have softened his stubbornness a bit. And as for me, well I couldn't get these words out of my head, "You are my daughter! I delight in you. How could you ever think I would love you less based on what you do or don't do?! You are my daughter!" And I just kept smiling, thinking "Yeah, I am!"

From "high risk" to "text book"

This is baby Malachi. He will most likely be "Kai" most of the time, because we do that to names. *smile* He is 27 weeks and 6 days. Malachi is 2 lbs. 3 oz. right now! He is very healthy Has a perfect heart rate Has just the right amount of fluid surrounding him Is finally in a head down position rather than breach And has aided in the addition of 21 lbs to this mama. The doctor I saw yesterday (didn't see mine because she was not available, but all the doctors in this practice are wonderful!!) declared this a textbook pregnancy that looked absolutely beautiful. Despite alot of contractions in the past month my cervix remains unchanged, and just as it should be. No cautions, no risks. All is well. Wow is that good to hear to this mama who has had her fair share of risk... And now they are saying they think I may actually go all the way. Forty weeks. I'm guessing not. The longest I have ever gone was 38 - so we'll see. :) True to his genetic make up, Malachi stuck his tongue out at us as we were in the process of getting all of the measurements. I know these ultra sound pics are not the easiest to see and really "get", but this is a head on shot of his face - his two eyes are dark spots on the right, then you can kind of make out his nose. The white spot in his mouth - yeah, that's his tongue and he kept sticking it out at us. He was also very uncooperative for the ultra sound technician as she tried to get all of the measurements and info she needed. Every time she needed to get to a certain spot he would turn and curl up - completely blocking what she needed to see. Yep - that's my boy!

Fun with no sun

They had looked forward to it all week. The family reunion at the beach is one of our many summer highlights. Seeing their excited faces as we talked about the water and the BIG sand box was contagious. We packed up our swim suits, we remembered the sun screen, we put on our sunglasses and headed out on this mighty fine summer day. Two and a half hours later we were nearing lake Michigan and the closer we got the more the weather was changing. The rain came. The wind picked up. The sun was gone. We ran to the shelter in the pouring rain and enjoyed visiting with Dave's family. Some of them we hadn't seen for two years. The food was delicious and the conversation fun. But still - three little boys looked up at us with longing eyes. What about the beach? The water? The sand...? I thought Dave was joking when he said we would head down the board walk and go ahead and visit the beach. The rain increased. The lake came into view and as usual it nearly took my breath away. This time there was an added majesty about it in the crashing waves and turbulent peaks. It was absolutely beautiful. Not a typical beach day - but I was surprised by beauty in the unexpected.