Blogger question

I've wasted too much time trying to figure this out - so I am going to waste a post on a boring blog question in hopes that some one can help me. I am not able to leave blog comments on the newer style comment forms (the ones embedded at the bottom of the posts). Any body know why or what I might need to change in my settings to be able to do so? The problem seems to occur with blogs that were started within the last 6 months or so. I can write the comment, but it just won't post. Also, the quick editing tool is no longer working on my blog. I have it enabled in my settings, but it's just not there any more. Any thoughts on this? Trying.not.to.throw.my.computer.out.the.window.

The miracle is not in the outcome - it's in the process

Sometimes it feels like just yesterday and sometimes it feels like a completely different life. A different person. A different time. Because that is how this human mind processes such memories. Ninety-six days in the NICU. Days flowing together with no definitive end or beginning. Had I showered that day? When was the last time I had something to eat? Had I updated every one who would want to know of J.D. and K's progress or lack thereof? What were they telling me? What did it all mean? It was like living in a thick fog and wondering if and when it would lift. There would be days when the littlest bit of positive news on J.D. or K's condition would propel me into some of the loftiest highs I've ever experienced. Those days were often followed by days where I would need to change gears faster than I felt capable of. News of a life threatening infection would burst my bubble of excitement. Or perhaps it would be one of them experiencing a downward trend on their breathing and the learned-to-be-despised ventilator would have to be turned up to unhealthy levels. Potentially fatal desaturations in oxygen followed by dipping heart rates would strike fear in the pit of my mommy heart. Those are my boys! Do something! Make it better! My usual quiet and seemingly calm demeanor around the doctors threatened to be overturned by the words that wanted so badly to be screamed from my lips. But I knew that it would do no good. If they could've turned things around for our babies, they most assuredly would've immediately done so. There was only one who could change any aspect of J.D. and K's situation. Through ups and downs, twists and turns, and harsh realities meeting miraculous wonders our little family weathered the storm of the NICU and made it to the next chapter. We braced ourselves for the worst and sobbed through prayers, begging for the best. We felt like we experienced both. I think in reality we expereinced a miracle regarding each one of our boys. Those miracles just looked very different from each other. The day that I learned they had done all they could medically do to try to save J.D.s life was a day filled with tears and wordless prayers. Because I had prayed so many words, and I was at a point where I had no idea what to ask for any more. But he was healed. It was not in the way we wished for, but that doesn't take away the fact that he was. And I believe with all of my heart that the prayers I didn't even know how to pray were being offered up on my account. "The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words can not express." Romans 8:26 That, to me, is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. We prepared to lose K more times than I care to go back and recall. I loved the glimpses of hope and the times where he pulled through struggles that we were warned he may not. But it made those dips into despair that much more difficult to handle. There was not a whole lot of balance or logic ruling our days back then. To say that the extreme ups and downs were tiring would be a huge understatement. These are the thoughts that have been playing out in my mind since I first read about baby Stellan's return to the hospital several days ago. My heart resonates so much with the words of Stellan's sweet mama and all that she is going through. Our situations are different in many ways, but so many of the emotions felt are the same. Most days I feel hesitant to check MckMama's blog. I have even been known to cringe a bit as the page loads. Because I don't know what I will read. Because I don't know how my emotions will hold up. And yet I find myself loading that page many times each day. Because I care. Because it brings me to a mental place that is hidden deep inside, but will be a part of me forever. Because I can't seem to stay away. I need to know. My prayers are so often surrounding this wonderful family. I do not know what the out come will be for this family. I trust the God who does. As MckMama so profoundly wrote about a few days ago, no matter what, Stellan is a miracle. His 5 months here have touched countless lives around the world. Lord willing he will continue to do so. But we don't make that decision. I can not speak for all of those whom he has touched, but I know that his life, and his mama's words, have changed me and the way I think about some very important things. Please join me in praying for Stellan and his family.

But if I find the stairs I will let you know...

Four is just an amazing age! I am so greatly entertained by it. We waited to tell the boys the news that they would all be big brothers until after our ultrasound. It was so fun to tell them. K, in his typical laid back, mellow fashion said "OH!" smiled big and went back to his computer. Noe's huge blue eyes looked right into mine and clear as day said "But I'm your baby mom!" Well yes you are, my dear little cuddle bug. By all means, you are. I did not know that you would grasp this all so quickly and have such an immediate and honest retort. But Jay, oh my! He spiced up the evening with one of the best conversations I have ever had in my life! "Mom, is the baby going to grow? In there??" His little finger motions near my belly. "Yes Jay, mommy is going to get bigger." "Mm hmm." Pause. Eyes scan my body. Processing. "Mom, how will the baby get out?" "Um, well Jay, Mommy will... mommy will have to ...push the baby out." "Mmmm." pause "Mom, will the baby walk out? Is there steps?" "Well, um, yeah - about that. There's not steps. It's more like... a slide. Kind of." I throw my "a little help?!" look over to Dave who sat in the corner of Jay's bed room with the silliest little smirk on his face. "Mom?" Guys, at this point I was not sure whether I was going to laugh or cry and had NO idea what the next question would be! "Yes Jay. Sweet little honey. What can I answer for you?" "Is there a door mom?" Dave then lets out the most inappropriate little laugh and says, "kinda". Not helping!

{Nine weeks}

The familiar Waves of giddy washing over me A body already slipping into a rounded shape Daydreaming and wondering who is inside First trimester hormones Messing with my emotions Tears of frustration; tears of joy Sometimes mingling in the same moment An expanding love saturating my being exhaustion accentuated catching naps when I can The unfamiliar: A peace far greater than in any other pregnancy A holding loosely to things not mine An inquisitive four year old who wants all the details A hunger that distracts most hours of the day Time flying So fast already So much the same and so much different. I've done this a few times before, but it never loses it's fascination for me! Treasuring the memories.

{Eight years}

We had no idea What our lives together would look like The tools we would need to make it through A puzzle with out a picture or guide To piece it together Guesses and missteps Loss Hurt Shattered Hope Peace Love Fear Doubt Attacks Freedom Beauty Truth Love Life Death Choices And through it all Him His beauty His puzzle His canvas Changing us Using us Shaping us All for Him I love you because you are still with me I love you because you care I love your laugh I love your strength I love that you encourage me to be whole and complete You are my steady You are my calm You are my reality You are my quiet You are the love that is being used to help me bloom God has made you a wonderful and complete man with out me God has created me for purposes that only He can fulfill in me We don’t complete each other – He completes us, but I am so glad that we get the privilege of coming along side and encouraging one another through the process. Happy eighth anniversary.

Why I will never forget the past 3 days

Chicago was amazing! I realized what a country girl I really am as we walked through the city at night. It was all so beautiful to me! I couldn't believe that people would just walk by the store fronts and not stand there in awe at every thing to see.

I've never been in a Nine West before. I stood in front of the glass separating me from thousands of shoes and I whispered, "Dave, it's all shoes. A store full of cute shoes!"

He was a patient man through out the trip! Very, very patient. :)

It was so wonderful for us to be together. It was so different for us to be able to focus on each other instead of tending to a million other things calling out for our attention. It just meant the world to me to be able to do this. I am beyond thankful that Dave's mom was willing to stay with the boys so that we could indulge in this sweet time away (She did my laundry and dishes too!).

We loved riding the train.

Once we were in the city we walked all over and it felt so good!

We had a beautiful hotel room,

tasted the best food,

saw gorgeous sights,

loved Shedd aquarium,

got a little bit freaked out at the 4-D movie experience at the aquarium,

Cracked ourselves up over how often we thought about, and brought up, the boys,

Kept saying, "Oh, Jay would LOVE this" or "That little boy looks just like Noe!" and "Doesn't that remind you of K?" Notice the little bag of bath tub toys we purchased at Shedd Aquarium. It strapped nicely to the back of our back pack. Couldn't stop thinking about them.

Missed them, because they are a part of us, but enjoyed every single minute of "just us".

Oh, and the Cheesecake Factory?! One of my new favorite places on earth. :) Wow. Seriously.

So, obviously there is alot I could write about. I will never forget our time away.

But there was one little surprise stop we made before we even got on the train to head into the city Thursday afternoon which out shined any memory we could've made on the trip. And I can not go on without telling you about it. Because I just can't. Nope. I would have writers block if I tried.

It wasn't a surprise stop to me or Dave, we had planned it weeks ago. We planned our trip around it. This trip was originally a celebration of our eighth wedding anniversary. But it truly became a celebration of life. New life.

A beating heart that brought tears to my eyes.

Before heading out to Chicago, we stopped at my doctors office. I had an ultra sound which confirmed that I am 8 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby.

So as we sat on the train next to each other we held hands and quietly talked about the possibilities, about our thankfullness, our relief.

As we walked through the streets of the city, and in and out of shops, our minds were never too far from the child we have yet to meet, but feel very hopeful that we will.

As we passed by restaurant after restaurant Dave continually laughed at the look of longing on my face and we giggled over the familiar symptoms which plagued me. 'Casue really, I am hungry all the time. And it makes us laugh.

I certainly know there are no guarantees in this life. I know. Because of our miscarriage last year, I have spent some anxious moments in prayer. I have struggled to hold on to hope.

I also know that we will be okay no matter what happens. I know that as I closed my eyes and just listened intently to the sweet music that was that heart beating I felt a peace and deep thankfulness from somewhere deep inside of me. Some where that has known hurt and disappointment as well as the deepest kind of joy.

And I pray that, Lord willing, we will learn, grow, and blossom into a family of 6 this fall.

My due date is October 22nd.

Oh, and because I'm sure most of you really came by to see if I chose toothbrush or cute shoes, I solved it by wearing some comfy and cute flats and packing the tooth brush. :)

Am I up for the challenge?

I can not even tell you how excited I am about getting away this week with my Dave. Our 8th anniversary is next Tuesday. We are celebrating a little bit early and leaving for Chicago on Thursday. We are only going to be gone for about 24 hours, but at this stage in our lives, it still takes some work.

I am trying to get the house spotless before I go (hahaha).

I am trying to get things organized for my mother in law, who will be spending the time here with the boys.

I am praying for her sanity.

I am trying to decide what to bring on our little trip...

Here is the problem:

Yes, that is a problem.

We are taking a train, and using public transportation. We have planned some stuff to do around the city, so we don't want to have to lug a bunch of luggage around.

Heaven help me - I don't do well with packing light. :) Everything both of us are bringing will have to fit in that one bag.

It is a challenge people - but I think I'm up for it. I think.

Hmmm... Cute shoes, or tooth brush?

The gift inside of the brown and green box

Encouragement can present itself in so many different forms. About 8 years ago I read, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It made a big impact on me. It showed me how I need to be careful not to transfer my preferences for how I am best encouraged onto other people. It challenged me to seek and discover what speaks to those in my life who I am trying to encourage in the best possible way for them to be uplifted.

Through my studying of this book I came to a concrete conclusion that my primary love language is words of affirmation.

Some people respond primarily to touch.

Others to gifts.

Still others are in their element when you are doing an act of service for them, such as making them a meal, doing their dishes, or taking care of their kids.

Quality time is a love language that many people I know crave. I would say this one is a close second for me. Spending time doing things together. Interacting. Just being.

But always, words stood out to me as being the primary catalyst of love relayed to me. I love words.

Dave knows that writing me a note before he leaves for work in the morning will often give me the encouragement needed for the potential struggles of the day that lies ahead.

I recently received a special gift that brought a unique joy to my heart. I feel pretty dorky admitting this, but it kind of made my month - maybe even year. (Shhh- don't tell any one) :)

The Mom2mom group that I am a part of at our church got together and decorated small boxes which were then used to collect little notes of encouragement for each of us. There are 15 of us. We each wrote a note for every one in the group.

When I brought my little brown and green box home, lifted the lid, and began exploring the contents (like an over caffienated child), what I felt was hard to describe. It wasn't just about reading nice things about myself (but really, who doesn't love that?). It was more than a sweet affirmation from ladies who have become very important in my life. It was as if God himself was quietly whispering in my ear, "I am still working to accomplish wonderful things in your life. Do you see it? This process of making you in my image is underway. Even when you don't feel it. "

I immediately began noticing some very similar character qualities being bestowed upon me in note after note. At first I wondered if I had the wrong box. Then I wondered if perhaps there had been a conspiracy to have every one write some qualities they thought were the opposite of what I actually posses. I smiled at that thought. Although it would be funny, I knew each one had written their notes at different times (A few of us around 10 pm Wednesday night to be prepared for a 9:15 am Mom's group Thursday morning). I knew that each note had been lovingly created individually.

So, I allowed the words of my friends to really sink in. This was truly how they saw me. I admire and respect these women, so to disregard their words to me would be unfair to them. I still struggle to see the correlation between myself and some of the desirable traits being assigned to me on the pages of those notes. Some were things I had been praying that God would develop in me. Some are areas I know he has been working on in me. Others were things I admired in other people, but wrote off as not attainable by me.

Things that not that long ago seemed very foreign in my life.

Have you ever thought about the impact you could have on the people around you? Have you considered that by learning what speaks love and encouragement into their life you could possibly turn it around? You could change some one's perspective and help point them to the one who is perfecting them.

It did for me.

Organization inspiration

I'm so thrilled to be making {baby} steps towards a more organized home. Remember my organization frustration post from a couple of weeks ago? I got a wonderful response from comments left on my blog as well as friends and family who I see regularly. Giving me ideas and inspiration to try. Telling me I am not alone and fighting a fight that almost every mother has to battle and fine tune.

My sister in law gave me a book that I am very excited about exploring. It's called, "It's All Too Much" by Peter Walsh. It is about changing your lifestyle and just having less stuff.

Sara had left a great comment about not being too hard on myself, and then just really going for it when the cleaning bug hits. She helped me think through what is most important {my Dave and boys} as well as formulate a good plan to do more deep cleaning when I know I am going to have alot of time.

Elizabeth and Chelle encouraged my resolve to get rid of more stuff. Really decide what we NEED and what we use, and then throw out the stuff that just complicates our life.

Ashley had some amazing tips in a post she had written about what works for her. She is one organized woman!! Wow. It was great to read about her weekly schedule. She was also a big encouragement in helping me not to overwhelm myself. She mentioned that if things get busy, and you miss your scheduled job for a couple of days - just go to the next one and know that you will get the missed jobs when they come around on the schedule again.

Part of my frustration was that I was getting behind and then trying to do it all in one day - just exhausting myself. Some of your comments really helped me to see how helpful it will be to just pace myself.

Jacy was a huge help in her tips to lay out the boys clothes for the next day before going to bed as well as having meal plans in place for the following day! I'm doing more of that kind of stuff and I am amazed how much smoother our mornings go. Especially the mornings when we are on a schedule and have to go some where!

{Mommy etc }Elizabeth gave me some great links to the fly lady and helped by telling me some things that worked for her. She really helped me see that I am, indeed, in good company as I seek to get organized and simplify. :)

My mother in law also gave me some links to fly lady and some helpful books. She's right there with me in her quest for organization.

You all helped me in getting my priorities a little bit more straightened around, as well as giving me so many helpful hints that I have implemented and am loving! Thank you so much!!

Check out some of the changes I have made!

This was our front porch, which is used for some storage as well as play room, a few weeks ago.

After I got rid of three garbage bags full of toys and got my new "toys" and "stuff" totes {which I just love!} it looks like this.

I am so thrilled with it!!

Also, I have started keeping better track of what I have in my pantry. The shelves in my panty are kind of deep. If you happen to be a scattered person on top of that, you often get multiple food items that you don't need and end up being frustrated at yourself for the things you need and failed to buy. I'm just sayin' that could happen. Hypothetically.

My new system involves a label maker, dry erase board, and tally marks. :) Simple, but oh so very effective in my life!

I've also implemented my weekly cleaning schedule again.

{Oh - and if you can't quite see what that writing says on my cleaning schedule, let me give you a close up. Because it was probably one of the biggest encouragements in this whole endeavor.

That's my Dave. :) I love him.}

I had a little conversation with myself that went something like this, "Hey girl! Just because you had a couple of very busy weeks and got off schedule it doesn't mean that this failed. Brush yourself off and try again! And it will probably happen again, because your life is pretty packed right now. Do what you can and don't pressure yourself with guilt for what you don't get done!"

It was a pretty good little pep talk to myself if I might venture to say so.

I hope to add more bits of organization to my routine, but for now this is what I've done. I just had to share, because even though these are baby steps, they have proven to be a HUGE help in encouraging me that I can do it. :)

As I close, I am super pleased to report that we are all doing well and are pretty healthy. K has bounced back beautifully. We still have some medication issues to work through, but he is back to his awesome crazy self.

Noe still has a couple of coughing fits each day, but his resilience shocked me! Twenty four hours after his pneumonia diagnosis he was just about back to 100% 'two year old' energy. Definitely answers to prayer!

My life is packed full busy right now, so finding time to write has been a bit challenging. I'll try to pop in again when I get a chance!

The rhythm of my life as a mommy

It seemed I had just about caught up on my sleep after spending 17 hours in the hospital with K when I began to notice Noe's cough sounding much worse. I thought he just had my cold. But then noticed his breathing was labored and much too fast. Another doctor visit? I knew what to look for - Fast heart rate, retracting, not eating. My mellow little guy would not stop crying. He was waking up in the night sobbing and coughing till it seemed his whole body was just exhausted. So, off to the after hours clinic on a Sunday afternoon. He alternated between sweetness, questions, and cuddling and fussing, clinging, and coughing. Chest x-ray, concerned medical staff, breathing treatment, and finally to the pharmacy and home. Beginning stages of pneumonia. Not so nice looking lungs. He's vulnerable to this sort of thing because of his constant fight with RSV when he was 5-8 months old. Doing so much better today! Still sleepy and kind of clingy to mommy. But really - who minds that? Breathing treatments every four hours. Lots of liquids. Watching Jay very close. So sad that he grabbed, and drank from , Noe's sippy yesterday. Praying protection around him. Seeing a wonderfully energetic K. So thankful. More thankful than before. Trying to get into some what of a routine again. Feeling a bit discombobulated after the kind of week we had last week Amazed at all God can show one when they find themselves alone with their child in a small room in the ER. The dark and the quiet broke through the otherwise busy constancy of my life. With such a precious one lying asleep in my arms I allowed that still small voice to reveal so much. So much about identity, control, love, selflessness, full reliance on Him, My utter helplessness... and yet complete capability only through Him. Still pondering it all. A heart overflowing with answered prayers. So many. In so many ways. Going to work this afternoon. A welcomed change of pace. And yet knowing I will be back with my babies in a matter of hours. Knowing I will learn and grow. Because I never come home from the Center for Women the same as I was when I left home. Anticipating a wonderful night away with David in Chicago. Only 11 more days. But who's counting? :) Trying to find rest. Trying to find balance. Learning more flexibility. Seeking Him each and every day. Because with out that I couldn't do this.

My old adage: a day with out brain surgery is a good day

Hi, my name is Wendi and I just overdosed my child to the point where I could barely wake him up, thought his symptoms were shunt malfunction, and spent 18 hours in the hospital with him. What new and crazy adventures have you had lately? All of your prayers and kind words meant so much to me. Thank you. Also, a big thanks to Rachel for updating my blog today when I didn't have access to the internet. I didn't want to leave you all hanging. I am extremely thankful that K's shunt was found to be functioning perfectly and with out any problems. Shunt issues are not fun and easy to deal with. Although I am not pleased that K had to go through what he did, adjusting medication is about the best case scenario when you are expecting a possible brain surgery. I am thrilled to report that after alot of fluids, and temporarily discontinuing his medication, K is back to his wonderful, energetic, giggly self. He is doing great. It is a huge relief after the fear I faced last night. I am not stretching the truth when I say that waking him up was extremely difficult for most of the afternoon and all night. To do so I had to put my hands under his arms and pick him up right. I would then say his name loudly. I would finally get an eye flutter when I would do that. The nurses and doctors noticed his lethargy in the waiting room and {probably made a few people pretty mad} brought us back to see the doctor before the 4 other people who had been waiting much longer than us. Most of the doctors who saw K were of the same mind that I was; suspecting shunt problems. They even began some pre-op stuff. Fortunately the CT scan, ultra sound, and x-ray were done pretty quickly and we were able to rule out the shunt. Of course at that point I felt so bad for dragging poor K to the hospital making him wait, get even more tired, get poked, and prodded. I felt like my mother's intuition had left me for the night. I usually just know when we can stay home and wait it out and when we need to get to the hospital. Half way through our stay I was beginning to think that I had been really off. That is a disconcerting feeling as a mother. But even through all of those discouraging emotions that strong feeling that "I know my K, and my K is not right!" would not leave me alone. Fortunately the medical staff were equally concerned. They had tried to rouse him a few times as well and had been slightly alarmed at their own inability to do so. I was searching my brain for any other clues as to what could be going on when the neurosurgeon finally asked a question, about any medical changes K may have recently gone through, which seemed to flip a switch in my mind. The increased dose of his medicine! We looked up the side effects of that particular medication and it was right there in black and white. Every single symptom we had observed. The decision was then made to admit us to a room and observe K through the night and morning. I was so tired I could barely move after 8 hours in the ER. We didn't get a whole lot more sleep during our 9 hours in the pediatric unit, and I must say home and my bed have never looked so wonderful! Tomorrow I will take K to his pediatrician for some follow up observations. Dave was able to take the day off and hang out with Noe and Jay. He did the dishes and all of my shopping with a 2 and 4 year old. Be still my beating heart. :) Thanks again for caring and loving our family.

The One Where Wendi's Friend Rachel Takes Over the Blog to Give You an Update

First and foremost K is okay and his shunt is okay. They did all kinds of test and a CT scan and they believe that his lethargy and illness is due to the increase in medication mentioned in this post. Wendi & K are still at the hospital. They were in the ER until 4 a.m. and then finally got a room. So Wendi is completely exhausted and going on about 2 hours sleep. They expect K to be released this afternoon. I will just leave you with the facts for now. I am sure Wendi will fill us in with more information when she has gotten a little sleep. :)

Calling my praying friends...

I am preparing to take K to the ER. Although I have no idea if he is dealing with a typical illness or if something is going on with his shunt I thought I would send out a quick prayer request. He is very listless and has slept most of the day away. He really doesn't want to wake up. He was a little bit more tired than usual this morning, but I didn't think much of it. I went to read at his preschool a couple of hours after we sent him to school and his teachers told me that he had slept during his entire bus ride there. They also said he was very tired and not his usual perky self. Since we've been home all he has done is sleep. He has vommited once. These are symptoms of shunt malfunction. Unfortunately the symptoms of shunt malfunction and regular sicknesses are so similar that as parents these are hard judgement calls. We just don't mess with it. I'm taking him to a hospital an hour away where I know they know what they are doing. His neurosurgeon also happens to work out of that hospital, so that is a good thing. I will try to update when I can. Thanks so much dear friends and family. I am tired and I have to admit this kind of thing does get my anxiety level up a bit. Stretching my faith, once again. Knowing that God is in control and knows exactly what K will need. ~Wendi

2009 - the year of the scarf

I apologize for the very poor quality of the video - and the audio being delayed like it is. I have to make low quality videos because the good quality ones give me so much trouble uploading. Not sure what is up with that, but hopefully I will figure it out before I do another vlog post.