Nope, I don't think I fell. I walked right into this.

I don’t think it was one specific thing that has got me thinking about it. I just keep contemplating love.

Falling in love; is there such a thing?

Choosing to love.

Deepening in love.

Strengthening that love.

How does it all happen?

When does it start?

Perhaps some of my thought process has been put into motion by all of the “Jon and Kate” talk flying around. We are one of the few households left that has chosen to just stick with the basic free television channels, so we don’t regularly watch “Jon and Kate plus 8”. I have seen several episodes though. Besides the fact that I am on line a lot and watch my basic TV; well and the fact that I am alive - you couldn’t miss all of the hubbub (I’m liking that word) surrounding this family.Specifically Jon and Kate's marriage.

Then again, being in love, staying in love (and loving it all) is on my mind a lot. I’m quite a hopeless romantic.

I also think that talking to my sister this morning and discussing every thing my parents have been through, and stayed together through, set these thoughts in motion.

When I met Dave I had been praying for a godly man to come into my life. One whom I could trust with my deepest secrets and love with out holding back. I prayed for some one who would be a good father. Some one who would be in it for the long haul.

I saw those things in him right away. Yes, I was infatuated, and had the fluttery heart and all. But mostly I saw what I had been praying for, recognized him as the answer, and put my focus on him.

I chose.

I didn’t fall.

Saying that I don’t believe in falling in love is would probably get some shock and gasps out of y’all. I mean really, that would be a horrendous thing to say! It takes so much of the romance, hearts, flowers, singing birds, and confetti out of it. – So I won’t go as far as to say I don’t believe in it. I just believe it is a process. One that starts with a choice and is strengthened with time, consistency, and loyalty.

I felt love for him when he sent me flowers for the first time.

I wondered if it were love when we talked for 8 hours on the phone.

When I visited what would be my new home and took in all of the new surroundings.

When he held my hand for the first time and I forgot to breathe.

When he reminded me.

When he told me he had waited a long time for me; and it was worth the wait.

I knew I loved him when he finally said the words.

When he proposed.

When we began to plan our wedding.

When we had our first real disagreement, and I took my ring off.

When I put it back on and knew I would never take it off like that again.

When we stood at the front of my small church and let all of our family and friends know.

When we kissed for the first time.

But really it became a love of a completely different nature when the homesickness hit.

When he worked long hours trucking and I found myself alone in a house that was supposed to be mine, but still felt foreign.

When he would cradle my face in his hands and tell me how amazing it was to come home to his wife.

When I couldn’t get pregnant.

When he comforted me.

I think I began to realize that love was something so different than I ever imagined when we started to really know one anther on an immensely deeper level.

When our twins were on the way and I saw a softening in him that was new and so endearing!

When he knelt by my bedside the night I was about to give birth and he dedicated our boys to God.

When he met our sons for the first time – and I saw his tears.

That was love. It was not butterflies and flowers love. It was gut wrenching bonding.

Love.

When I found some things out about him that surprised and disappointed me.

When I had to deal with the fact that we both have issues – lots of them – that neither of us knew we had signed up for when we signed that marriage license.

Oh was that ever love! In it’s truest form.

The day I said “You disappointed me. I thought I knew you better than that. I have some baggage I have never dealt with either. I know I have let you down. We both need to just forgive and accept that we are just clinging to God’s grace together. Two messed up people who are in this together for life.” Was a deeper moment of love than the moment I told him I loved him for the first time. Or even the time we went out to dinner and danced in the kitchen to “our song” when we came home from a sweet and lovely dinner date.

When my gaze faltered and my heart questioned. When God's grace poured into each one of us and we chose. That was a love more real than I had ever experienced in my life.

The moment I watched his emotions shatter into a million pieces over the words form our doctor telling us how sick J.D. was was a moment of more intense love than the moment he put the ring on my finger.

When He held me while I cried and allowed me to go through every strange and tumultuous emotion that our NICU period induced- it was love.

When we stood beside the small grave site and his warm hand on my shoulder began to melt the numbness that had engulfed me.

When He got up every few hours at night to tube feed baby K, once we were able to bring him home, I knew a lasting love.

When baby Jay was here, and I hit a wall of disillusionment, his steadfast caring meant more than any kind of other romantic gesture.

When Noe joined our family and he had to pick up the slack of the household, including a four year old with special needs and a very active 2 year old, while I cared for the newest baby, he demonstrated love in a million different ways.

When I struggled to grasp the fact that we had to go through loss again last year, he was there. Quietly comforting.

When he turned my focus onto the really important things that K was doing and off from the expectations of charts and doctors and therapists – he was loving me.

When he taught me how to drive a stick shift truck and totally put his life on the line – not to mention his truck – and we giggled till we could hardly breathe, that’s one moment when love became more then falling.

See, when I picture falling in love I think of someone accidentally losing their balance and tumbling down. Like it’s out of their control. What happens when they get up and get their footing again? When they realize they can get up from their fall and walk?

My productivity

In the last few days I have: Grown a bit Finished preliminary ideas on my book Begun to Learn where to go next in the process Gotten a little intimidated by the whole thing - but very pleased with getting my ideas out on paper. Pretended that singing in front of a couple hundred people isn't absolutely terrifying Had fun Wasn't too terribly nervous Wrote an article for our church's women's ministry newsletter Really enjoyed the process Started brainstorming for next months article Started working on an outline for facilitating discussion in our young couples Sunday school class in a few weeks Started to think it may be a little bit scary to go where I am going with it Felt very led to go there anyway - pretty sure it will be a good thing Started lists for our camping trip with my entire family (19 of us) next weekend Very excited that we will all be together Fun to see all four of my guys giddy about the trip Wrote a song Sent it to a guy from church who has composed his own music before Was delightfully surprised when I heard the song put to music Went camping in the yard again Had a fun bon fire Took Jay on a surprise shopping trip for fireworks and sparklers Was exasperated at Jay for stalling at nap time yesterday and coming up with an all new excuse for not sleeping: "It feels like there's a stick in my eye!" Felt bad for my exasperation when two hours later his eyes were red, puffy, and oozing some kind of grossness Took him in to the after hours clinic and waited 2 hours for the pink eye diagnosis Had a hard time finding a pharmacy that was open Finally got the medicated eye drops Now has to hold down a screaming and kicking four year old every 3 hours to administer eye drops Started thinking about baby names For the first time in my life came up pretty blank (Very strange thing for me) Planned to make four fleece blankets for the Interfaith shelter Only got one done Finally gave in to the exhaustion that had been tempting me Much still needs to be done - but I have a very fulfilled satisfaction at the productivity going on around here Dave has been making several trips to a friends house to collect wood from trees they are cutting down. We are well prepared for next winter and likely getting a head start on the following one. It's been a busy household over here! How was your weekend?

The green rubber duck

Something about seeing him last night just ticked me off. He always invades my space. It seems I am constantly putting him back into the toy bucket - out of my shower space. And some how he always ends right back there again. Right where I want to step in. Ready for some wonderful peace and quiet. And there he is, looking at me with those black beady eyes. As if to say "Hey, You don't get peace and quiet any more." Sometimes I don't see him and I step on him. It's not enough to hurt, just enough to annoy me. Yesterday was a long day. Every one was tired by the end of the day. I was ready for bed about 6:00. Nobody seemed to understand that I was done. Off duty. My time card punched. Oh wait, I don't have one of those. So, after supper, while the dirty dishes were still on the table (Ohhh... living on the edge!) I slipped away to that one place of solace. And there was greeny. In my shower. Again. I got angry. I was too tired to pick up one more toy. So, naturally, I did the mature thing. Grabbed him and threw him out of the shower. He bounced across my bathroom floor and stopped out of sight behind the door. For one moment I sighed in relief and reveled in the sweet sight of an empty shower. No kid cups from Chilli's, no little Einstein's submarine rocket. No Elmo with side kick, water squirting Dorothy. But most importantly no green duck. The hot water felt wonderful. But I wasn't very relaxed. Something didn't feel right. I shut my eyes and a vivid picture came into my mind. No toy bucket. No moving toys out so I could have my shower time. No green duck. Someday I bet I will miss the green duck. So I went and got him. And I put him in the corner of the shower. Facing the wall, so he wouldn't stare at me. And I used my shower time to thank God for all of the things in my life that the green duck represents. Dirty dishes = an abundance of food provided for us, My love for preparing that food, sweet family time around the table. The sand on my floors that frustrated me on a regular basis = hours of fun for three little boys out in the sand box. Toys on my floors which I swear I just picked up = learning, sharing, using imaginations. Laundry to wash, dry, fold and put away = sweet little clothes, size 3, 4, and 6. Most have been passed down to us, very little has been bought. One more example of God's amazing provision for our family. There are so many examples. I'm still not a big fan of greeny, but God did use him to teach me a lesson last night.

Dreaming

I can't help but wonder... and dream What will this baby look like? What new personality will this baby bring to our family? Laid back and mellow? Strong willed and stubborn? Will this one sleep through the night at 2 months like Noe... or wake up every 3 hours for 10 1/2 months like Jay? And oh the dreaming... Soft skin Those baby coos Late night cuddling Seeing all of the boys be big brothers I'm so ready.... And so not I can't wait to experience all of the precious things that are coming our way But who is ever really "ready"? It's another big change And until we are in the middle of it, we can not anticipate how each of us will be affected I know our lives will change in so many ways As we grow... In so many ways Oh and we really, really wonder... A son or a daughter? Three weeks till our ultra sound June 9th. So much we don't know yet, increasing the anticipation A few things we do know I do know that our baby hears us Is about 4 1/2 inches long and almost 3 ounces Has a heart rate of 150 Seems to like ice cream - as the only time I feel movement is after I have eaten ice cream Is very active (after the ice cream) We can hardly wait! And yet we treasure the moments now. Moments of being a family of 5. Moments of independence and flexibility Spontaneity Sleeping...

What I want him to remember (part II)

Preschool graduation. Maybe a small thing. Perhaps a simple tradition put together to amuse parents. Definitely a recipe for chaos. And most certainly another milestone that we will forever tuck away in our ever widening memories. Special moments that exceeded our early hopes for him. They all stood up front and sang "How Great is our God". Dave didn't even have to look at me to know I was tearing up. I tried not to ugly cry. I had to pray to stop that one. They all lifted their hands when they got to the "How Great!" part. He lifted his hands too. Both of them. His right side was hardly functioning a couple of years ago. Dave squeezed my shoulders a little harder to acknowledge that he knew I was working to keep my emotions under control. It was awesome! And of course, what is a wonderful celebration with out ice cream? Grandma Mc treated us to the most delicious ice cream treats after wards. We aren't going to forget today.

What I want him to remember

Dear K, Someday you and I will sit down together and look back into the archives of my blog and I will read this to you. Or, knowing you, you will want to read it to me. I want to record this because I want you to know the way that God used you. Even when you were very young. Yesterday I sat in a room with 15 people and we planned out your upcoming year of kindergarten. Some of the individuals in that room were those who have worked with you through out this year of preschool. Some were those who have assisted us behind the scenes. Still others have yet to meet you, but will be working with you on a daily basis this fall. They are in for a treat! As I looked around that room I was struck with how one small boy can impact a whole lot of people. Your daddy shared your story with those who did not know you. To them you were just another boy coming into their class room. They didn't know how we prayed for each ounce you gained. They didn't know how every infection you picked up when you were in the NICU brought us down a very scary road. They had not experienced the fear and elation of your early days. They don't have to know all of it, but your daddy did a beautiful job of briefly sharing what a miracle you are. His eyes were full of deep emotion and he conveyed a clear sense of what a privilege it was that we were putting your education in their hands. They got it. The speech therapist who has worked with you each week this year began to read her report on your progress. She only got a few words out before being over come with emotion. Because your daddy had just shared the amazing fact that the portion of your brain most affected by the hemorrhage was in the area which interprets and expresses speech. Most of that portion of your brain is missing.Her report stated that you have achieved or exceeded all of the speech goals set for you and that at this time there is no longer a need for weekly speech services. Putting the beginning and the present together for these people left few with dry eyes. Of course there were also the emotions of those who have worked diligent with you through out the year and now have to say good bye. You brightened their world K. You showed them some new perspectives and you demonstrated some breathtaking possibilities. The director of your preschool was there along with your teacher and your aid. They were all special, but I know a particularly close bond was formed between you and your aid. She noted how different her days will be next year with out you in them. She saw you grow tremendously through out the year and she pushed you to new heights. Tomorrow you will join the other kids in your class for preschool graduation. We will drive to that wonderful caring preschool for the last time and watch you stand up front in your tasseled hat. I will thank all of the amazing people who have had a part in your school year for the past 8 months. And I will once again feel immeasurable gratitude for the honor it is to be a part of this story. I honestly feel like such a small part of it. Almost a bystander watching with awe as it all unfolds. Often people comment on what an amazing job we are doing. They ask how we do it. They affirm all of the work we must invest into you. K, what we tell them we want you to always know, that although we love you deeply and certainly make investments of that love, we can not take the credit for who you are and what you are becoming. The moment we would make it about us would be a moment our eyes would leave a very important focus. And K, at that moment we would fail you as parents. It's not about us. It is about a God who has had his hand on you since the day you were conceived. A God who was with us when we dedicated you to Him. A God who held us when we feared for your life. A God who never left our side through the grim predictions and low expectations from the doctors. He is, and has always been, your source of strength.

Celebrating her

I doubt her actual birth was greatly celebrated. She may have even been born within the confines of her modest home. But today I am celebrating greatly. There were likely a couple of special aunts who came to welcome the newest addition to their family. Things were very different at that time and in that place. I don't know many details. I do know that, although it seems rather backward, one can be very proud of some one who is their respected authority. And I am so proud of her. I know that in her early years she didn't have the indulgence of indoor plumbing, even though she was born only 54 years ago. I know that she was left to do what she wanted and never watched very closely. I know that she had to find alot of things out the hard way. I know that she had to grow up way too early. I know that she has scars she never talks about. I know that alot of these things make up who she is today. I know that alot of these things make up who I am today. I know that she ran away when she was just a young girl. I know that more time went by, with no one even noticing she was gone, than ever should have. I know that she craved care and attention. I know that from an early age God was pursuing her in numerous ways. I know that she was very naive and young when she found out that a baby was on the way. I know that she made a very noble, albeit to this day painful, decision. For life. For a life she couldn't provide for at 16. For the opportunity for some one else to provide life and love to a child who had no choice in the matter. I will likely never know that person who is my flesh and blood. But I know the fact that my mother made that choice affects me deeply. And it affects the young women in my community. The girls who come in to the crisis pregnancy center where I work and nervously take that test. Sometimes I look at them and I see her. Years before she would bring me into the world, she started a chain of events that directly touches people here and now. That's a legacy. I know that he was so young, as was she, when they started their walk together. I know that they were both searching. For something. I know that those early years for them were full of hurdles they never thought they would overcome. And that even after the birth of their first child together, the deep chasm between them would only widen. I know that those days were darker than I could ever fathom. And I know when they said good bye they thought it was forever. I know that God got her attention when at age 19 a terrible car accident landed her alone and scared in a hospital room. I know that the deep hole inside of her heart was filled to overflowing. And I am over joyed to know that He glued them back together. And that in the years following, 4 more children were added to their list of blessings.

The last being myself. To the beautiful woman who has impacted me from the day she was born. I love you. I am proud of you on so many levels. You are a hero to me.

Happy birthday mom!

Published with the permission of my sweet mother Patricia.

The life changing title of mother

Friday afternoon I had a bunch of errands to run. My mind was racing with all I needed to get done. When my mind goes a hundred miles a minute like that I need some thing, or some one, to slow me down. To point out that all will be fine. That I need to just relax and enjoy each moment. I was making a quick stop at my chiropractor's office when one of my children slowed me down. I was laying flat on my back, about to get adjusted. I slowed myself down for one of the first times that day. And I felt it. Life. The newest life to join our family, making their presence known to me. I am 15 weeks pregnant and right on time, just as in all of my other pregnancies; I felt the baby move for the first time. Everything emptied my rushing mind except sweet thoughts of this new little person and the amazing process of life in its earliest stages. And it was just what I needed. The rest of the day was much more unhurried and every thing just seemed a little bit more peaceful. All because of one little person reminding me of the important things in life. It is one of the special gifts in my life from all of my children. Even the one whom I will never see again here on earth. This morning at church I had alot on my mind (hmm...seems to be a pattern). I tried to focus on the reason I was there and to open my heart to what God would teach me. Instead I was thinking of the crazy busy pace we will have to keep up with this week as we meet all of the extra demands, appointments, and meetings that happened to fall into this upcoming set of 7 days. I thought of the people I needed to find at church and all of the busyness I needed to take care of. There were gentle promptings to let it all go, to trust it would all fall into place. To be still. Oh how my heart begs me to be still, and all too often I push that away in favor of a busy pace I was never meant to keep. And then a member of our worship team at church began to pray. Her simple words embedded themselves into my heart as she prayed for women who long to be mothers on this special day as well as women who have faced the heart ache of losing babies. I hadn't thought of him yet today until that moment. My morning had been a flurry of pop tarts, milk, church clothes, finding shoes, kissing skinned knees, taming hair, and getting out the door on time. But in that quiet moment, sitting in the midst of my church family everything faded to the back ground except my memories of him and the comfort of my Heavenly Father. There was a big lump in my throat, but it wasn't really the bad kind at all. It was more of a welcomed surrender. A surrender to his memory, a surrender to the quiet, a surrender to be the mom who will forever love the child she can not reach for in a tangible way. He slowed me down. He melted my heart. He showed me what was really important. And that was all just in a span of about 15 minutes this morning. Today I am just in awe that I was chosen to be the mother to J.D., K, Jay, Noe, and their yet unknown sibling. Because they all slow me down. I match my pace to theirs. I have to stop to repeat myself. Over and over. I have to stop to kiss boo boos and soft heads. They melt my heart. They cuddle with me. They come up with some of the most hilarious and sweet things I have ever heard in my life. They surprise me with a perceptive inelegance. They show me what is really important in life. They remind me that in 100 years it most certainly will not matter that my floors remain unvacuumed today. That they won't always be here. That life unfolding is one of the most amazing things I have ever had the privilege of being a part of. So, to all of my babies, who are growing up so quickly; thank you for all that you are to me. You made me a mother, but more importantly you have altered my perspectives, multiplied the love in my heart, and changed my life. And to my mother and mother in law - I appreciate the two of you so much and count it among some of my greatest blessings to have you both in my life! Happy Mother's Day!

Mommy=Angel

I have been napping while my boys nap. Wow, is that a treat! That's been the advice given to me many times. I've heard it often, "nap when they do!". But there is so much that factors in to that.

1. K doesn't nap any more.
2. That's my chance to FINALLY get stuff done, with out three needy boys constantly asking for things, needing help, and generally whining and complaining presenting opportunities to turn my love into action.
3. If my house is already clean (Ha!) it is my opportunity to have some alone time with God. And wow have I needed that lately!

Well, I have finally given in to the promptings that I need a time of rest every day. Because the promptings have turned into my body just about screaming at me "IT'S TIME TO PUT YOUR FEET UP LADY". When I think of the amazing miracle going on inside of me right now I am quick to listen. I have had to switch around a few things in my schedule, quiet down a very chattery K, and pretend I can't see all of the dirt on my floor, but the naps have been beyond worth it. Today I was just waking up when I heard four little feet making their way down the stairs. Noe spotted me on the couch and immediately settled in with me to commence the 'cuddle, stretch, wake up' phase of his nap. We whispered to each other about pie, sun shine, and blankets while his sleepy eyes adjusted to non nap time realities. Suddenly those eyes focused in the movie K had been quietly watching. K's pick of the day has been "God Made Christmas". How fun is it that my 6 year old loves watching Christmas movies all year round? Quirky indeed, and I love it! We talked about the shepherds who were on the hillside in the movie. We talked about the big star in the sky and how God sent it so that the wise men could find the baby Jesus. And then an angel descended onto the screen and Noe let out the sweetest little 2 year old gasp "It's mommy!" he said. I smiled, but quickly told him it was an angel. The angel was announcing to the shepherds that Jesus had been born. "No, look! It's mommy!" He sat straight up, all signs of sleepiness having left his body. "Mommy!" He tugged on my shirt and took my face in his hands, turning it so it was facing the tv head on. He was insistent. His finger pointed right to the angel as he repeated it "It's my mommy!" The angel was blond. Although I could fit well into the derogatory blond joke category, I am quite brunette. The puppet angel on the movie looked nothing like Noe's mommy. SO, I am just taking this as an early mother's day gift that Noe thinks I am rather angelic. Because I am good at twisting things around like that. And really, after three days of battling a fever, ear infection, and sinus head aches, I think I can presume a little compliment from my son. :)

More than mom

Have you ever thought that to be a good mom you had to focus all of your energies on your kids? Maybe you've learned this one already and you know better. There was a time that I tried to do that. And do you know what? I wasn't a very good mom. Ironic isn't it? The time when I tried to give every part of me to mothering was the time I sucked at it the most. I've learned some important lessons between last Mother's Day and this one. And they seem backwards to my natural way of thought. Mothering is so much a part of who I am. God created me that way. It's not just something I have chosen, it is something that is entwined into my very being. I am a nurturer. I am a care taker. I love it. But I am also a unique individual. Although my mothering spills into so many different parts of my life, there are parts of me that are not mommy. I love writing. I love creating. I love music. I love talking to other adults some times. :) I love exploring other parts of who God created me to be. And I am learning that although he did indeed create me to be a mommy, he also created me for some other, and very important, purposes. For me to focus all of me on any one thing would be settling for less than I was meant to be. My priorities in life are pretty clear cut. The very top looks like this: God, Dave, my kids, and other ministries God has me serving in. In that order. I must not rearrange those priorities. I can't spread myself too thin. If another area in my life is infringing upon my top ones, especially the top three, I know something needs to change. That being said, I am learning that I am a better mom when mom is not all that I am. This past weekend the boys got alot of daddy. And they loved it. And they thrived under his leadership. In the past three days I went shopping, I baked, I practiced some music at church, I painted at a homeless shelter, I attended a meeting at church, I cuddled and kissed my babies and read them books, I took them for a walk, I taught three parenting classes at The Center for Women, I did some filing and paper work there, I started working on colors and patterns for some room decorating elements at the homeless shelter. And my moments with those three precious little boys were so much sweeter. And I felt full and alive. I felt like Wendi. Believe me; I have had weekends that have looked very, very different than that. It is not my norm at all. Other mothers may have the opposite problem. They may be too busy away from home, too focused on other things, too involved in work. For me, I could see red flags popping up in the "too wrapped up in your kids needing you - must detach a bit" category. Right now it is my job to be raising these guys to be responsible. To eventually be independent. *Shudder* To raise them to some day not need me. They won't always be here. And frankly that thought sets in a little bit of panic. Do you see where the problem is here? Yeah. So what is it that I have learned in the past year? That I don't have to try to do it all, as it pertains to mothering. I don't have to try to take care of every need of every kid even when Dave is here. Daddy time and grandma time is precious to the kids and to daddy and grandma. The kids need more than just me. I need more than just the kids. Guilt is one of my worst enemies. Dave isn't going to resent me for asking him for help. He is, after all, the dad. :) I know it is a balancing act and there can be a fine line between home too much and gone too much. I don't want to convey an advocating of being away form your home and family as much as possible. Not at all! I know that being a stay at home mom is such a high privilege and calling! I am just sharing part of my personal growth process. Because I could so easily lose myself in being a mom. It would be all too easy for me to become one dimensional. Not to venture beyond that title. Yes, they mean the world to me. No, they are not, and will not be all that is in my world. I will be a better mom for it, and they will be happier, more well rounded kids for it. Plus I won't yell as much.

This is me

• Loved reading all of the comments on my last post and realizing that I have created a K fan club. :)

• Battling horrible head aches every single day. Discouraged that nothing short of going to the chiropractor seems to come close to curing them. My last chiropractor fix lasted five days, then the headaches were back with a vengeance. I don't think I can afford to go every five days... Really hoping I can figure out how to get rid of them for good. Laying on the couch with a pillow over ones eyes is not practical when one has three, very active, small boys....

• So, so excited at Rachel and Josh's amazing, and long awaited, baby news!!!

• Looking forward to hearing that same news from this wonderful couple. Hoping to get to their adoption fund raising garage sale tomorrow.

• Loving our tradition of camping every Friday night.

• Excited to be planning a camping trip for all of my siblings, parents, and us, halfway between here and Iowa at the end of May.

• Excited about K's IEP (individual education program) coming up May 13th, being able to meet some of his new teachers, and discussing our plans for his upcoming year of kindergarten.

• So, so curious if this little one is a boy or a girl.

• Finally have a sufficient iron level.

• Experienced an amazingly refreshing day on Wednesday, where I got to do something I have wanted to do for a long time!

• Writing a book about our experiences with loss and the hope we have clung to.

• Right on my body clock - started having contractions when I hit the 14 week mark. That's my norm. It was only one evening, after I had been on my feet most of the day. Now I am listening to my body more perceptively.

• Ordered 20 progesterone injections. Woo hoo. I'm actually very thankful for them, due to the previous bullet point info. I am apparently progesterone deficient causing my tendency for preterm labor. The weekly injections are a very good thing. So what if my poor thighs take a hit and my poor bank account takes a hit (Seriously insurance company, why must you deny me this? Would you rather a multi million dollar NICU baby, or these 20 shots?!).

• So can't believe how big my boys are getting! Loved watching K read a story to Noe this morning.